Forty Niners Forever

The juggernaut that is the Santa Franciscoclara 49ers is heading toward week 17 with an awesome one-game winning streak. So all is well in Ninerland. The team is hitting its stride. Well, just kidding.

The trainwreck that has become the 2016 season reaches its conclusion next Saturday with the Seattle Seahawks coming to town to waylay they last shred of crapitude from the bowels of the front office.

That’s my hope, anyway. Young Sir Jed Hides-a-lot is not playing a fair game of whack-a-mole by staying underground all year. He has systematically intruded and decisioned his way to a team that has no talent, no football people, and no chance of righting their way any time soon if we keep following the playbook of the 12 years of crapitude with 2.5 years of relevance.

We have no QBs signed for next year. A shitty WR corps(e). Decent RBs. A decent line. A one-year wonder lame duck coaching staff that has yet again set new lows in futility. Granted, the coaching staff has a  D-III college roster, but with that said, there are ways out of this for Young Jedidumbfuck:

1. Get rid of nearly everyone in the front office.
2. Hire an overseer (for ex: Tom Coughlin)
3. Find a GM.
4. Get out of the fucking way.

See? Easy peazy. We DO have some talented players. And the line is actually playing OK. The D line is fair. The DBs are pretty good. The biggest lacks are at QB, pass rusher, and WR. No explosive players and no consistent pass rush. One good draft would set the team on a decent path.

But the front office is the biggest impediment.

Hope you all have a happy whatever. And I hope the Yorks get 5 tons of coal dumped on their cabana. Cleveland is dong their part in winning vs the San Dawgs, so we very well could be the recipients of one Myles Garrett, the outstanding OLB from Texas A&M.

QBs? If Deshaun Watson falls to the 2nd, I’d take him. Other than that? No idea.

We need to do our part and lose today. On the road I don;t like our chances . . . so jared Goff has a career day is a pro.

Ba da da da . . . Cue Axel Izzy and Slash.

Of all the refuting, re-refuting, and un-re-refuting regarding Dr. Dorklove, the power structure, the changing of the guard and the 49ers train-wreck-into-a-sinkhole-to-the-center-of-the-exploding-earth-as-the-sun-dies-and-the-galaxy-collapses-back-on-itself season winds down, I think Steve Young said it best when he put forth the proposition that you cannot petition the Lord with prayer, petition the Lord with prayer, petition the Lord with prayer. YOU CANNOT PETI . . . Uh, wait. Different situation.   Sorry Mr. Mojo. Yes, take ’em to the parking lot.

Anyhoo, Steve said the following:

“So no matter what we decide to do here, and my opinion is when you’re 1-12 or 1-13 or if we end up 1-15, to me by definition, everybody out to the parking lot. Every living thing out to the parking lot. And nobody gets back in unless you can prove you’re part of the solution. I mean everybody. That’s a tough thing to do because you might have to start over in all kinds of ways.”

I really wish “we” in this case meant him, but it’s the editorial we. As in “we” used to be a Super Bowl caliber team. “We” as fans enjoyed the tumultuous ride through disappointment and ecstacy as we were a relevant team from roughly 1980 (the cusp) to 1999 (when Lawrence Philips missed his assignment). 20 years of excellence. Steve also rips into York toadie Trent Dildo for placing the sole blame of the team’s failure at the feet of Chip Kelly. I totally agree with this as the talent exodus has been obvious and detailed since he took over in 2011. He gets 0 credit for 2010. That was the once-and-still great Scott McLoghan. Not sure why he gets itchy feet so often, but he’s on his 3rd team since 2010 and has done well at every stop.

Here’s the article. It mainly says that the Yorks give no fucks about winning.

Steve Young says Yorks concerned with money not winning; scoffs at Dilfer

Wish “we” could run the team. Steve and Brent Jones. The rest would follow. I’d sell the fucking erector set stadium to Prince Valiant and revisit Hunter’s Point.

Reports are flying around about the disappointment in the CEO of the 49ers, one Sir Jed Hides-a-lot, is getting his once-shiny, and now mangled and tattered, toy taken away from him. Jason La Canfora, and now Ted Robinson, have come out and stated that Jed will be de-frocked a la Game of Thrones, and lose his title of CEO as the team hires a real live football guy to take over.

No insight here other than it only took Dr. Kedorkian 7 years to take unadulterated shit flung at him by an angry fan base to move his fledgling stooge into his spot as lead crap-catcher. Well, 9 years of varying levels of a short amount of success followed by a dismantling of any and all talent and a revolving door coaching staff has led to 1-12.

Hmm. Maybe it’s time to hire people that now and understand the game. Not projectionists and contract massagers. The talk is our once and future OC, Kinda Milquetoast Mad Mike Shananahan will come on as Exec of football ops, and his son Krazy Kyle will fill the GM role or some shit.

Can’t say I’m enamored with the prospect, but Jesus Christ, this would be worlds better than the shitshow we are currently participating in . . .

Stay tuned . . .

In more mangled lyrics (and logic), we have this. The 49ers are spending some of the mountains of cash they are sitting on to sign Vance McDonald to a 5 year, $35 million extension.

“Vance has shown consistent growth throughout his four-year career and his production this season is the result of his dedication and hard work,” 49ers general manager Trent Baalke said in a statement. “We believe he has only scratched the surface of what he will be able to accomplish in his career.”

Really? If that is the bar to cross to get an extension, then CK deserves an extension. As does Torrey Smith. Funny? Sure. But this is ludicrous. Funnier still is that there was someone who said he’d put up the numbers he has now in his illustrious 4 year career, except that he would do it in year one. I said it would take 4, but whatever. I guess we can thank that someone for being the mastermind behind the 49ers decisions these days. BakkenBuwwittBaalke anyone?!?

Other than that, I’m pretty baffled why anyone on this team short of the just hurt Joe Staley and his sore hammy would even get a passing thought at getting en extension. VMcD only drops about 25% of the passes thrown his way. Sure, that may be better than the 40% he dropped earlier in his career, but he was a ball-dropper in college. I guess Baalke has to further the career of a few of his draft picks before he himself is jettisoned. Or what? Should we extend Torrey Smith for being a mirage? Oh, that’s right. They extended Quinton Dial and Tank Carradine. You know, the guys spearheading our 32nd ranked defense.

Wow. In a display of ineptitude that brings to mind the singing quarterback Scott Bull and the 2-14 year of 1978, this team played like they know they suck hard and have nothing left to do. Sure it was snowing and the weather was bad, but that didn’t stop Chicago from trying. Neither team completed a pass till the 2 min warning. Of course we had the ball for 20 of the first 30 mins and still managed to fall behind 7-6 because Shaun Draughns blocked a punt and Rashard Robinson stepped OB and celebrated too much. when we went down 1 point at the half my thought was it is a hill too far.

Of course they got 19 and we got 0. ZZZZzzzzzzzzz…………..

Kappy was a stellar 1-5 for 4 yards and 6 sacks. So he threw for a net -29 yards.

Gabby took the yoke of backup off and went off in an incendiary performance and was 4-10 and 35 yards. Well, compared to Kappy.

Not much to say. Not much to hope for. Baalke is still here. Jed is still pussing out by remaining silent, and the team might as well forfeit the rest of their games. They have given up.

The latest slasher pic coming to a theater near you . . .

And bleeding is exactly what the fans are doing these days. As the Niners play out the string of another lost season, the ownership group hides in the cozy confines of 4949 Centennial Blvd, Santa Clara, CA safe in the knowledge that they built a stadium at the cost of the team that is supposed to fill it up. Jed hasn’t said or released anything publicly since September 8th when he, at the behest of Colin Kaepernick, donated $1 million to the Silicon Valley Community Foundation.

Yay. Good job, Jed. Since then however, your team has lost 10 games in a row, and there is deafening silence coming from the front office. The last time he spoke, near as I can tell, was before training camp broke on August 1st. Through the slide into oblivion we get nothing. The tiny bits of light are swallowed whole by mounting losses and growing uncertainty.

I’m sure Chip Kelly feels good as he either collects a paycheck alongside the rail with Jimmy T, or gets another shot with a team full of 2nd stringers. A no-lose situation despite all the losses. As bad as the team has looked, it’s kinda hard to pin this on him as there has been nothing of substance added to the team for 5 drafts. Say what you will about the coaching changes, the biggest problem is the fact that Trent Baalke is batting .096 in his last 5 drafts. He needs to go. Period.

If Jed has any balls, he’ll hire a GM and give him carte blanche to build the team from the GM down. Impose restrictions on what the Gm can do and you lose any decent candidate. Chip would be on the block, but not necessarily. Jed has to make a choice and sit back. Not diddle around and push pieces around the checker board.

Strange Days, Indeed. Say what you will about our kneeling non-voter who loves him some Fidel, Colin Kaepernick actually looks like he’s catching on to Chip Kelly’s offense. After a couple shitty games where CK was shaking off the rust of his benching and injury layoff, he’s gone 86-145 for 1100 yards (60%), 8 TDs, and 2 picks. Even with the 2 shitty games, his numbers are improving, and yesterday’s game saw Kap rush for 113 yards as well.

Frankly, they are in a spot where there ain’t any definitive QBs coming out for the draft in 2017. And the free agent market looks like Walmart after Black Friday. Cutler? Fuck that. Ryan Fitzpatrick Fitzryan? Uh, no. Romo? God no to the Nth degree. Trading up in the draft is a non-starter as there is no one that solid coming out. Mortgaging the future for Goff will be the death of the Rams. And they were the blueprint for NOT doing it by seeing what happened to the Redskins and RG III and out. Not that they had any life anyway, but they will continue to circle the drain. The Cards look to be falling back to Earth in a big way. Seattle is pretty fucking wobbly as well.

Believe it or not, keeping Kappy is the best option out there till this team actually has a couple successful drafts. Kappy did well yesterday with nothing in the WR OR TE corps and a defense that gives up 3rd down conversions like a creepy clown handing out candy to little kids.

Beyond that, if this team seriously gets Tony Romo, we will be the laughingstock of the NFL.

Well, Jed fiddles while the 49ers crumble. Not a peep from the pup in charge of the team. It pains me to listen to the Comcast guys as Dennis Brown sits there and says that Jed, Trent and Co. have a plan they are following to rebuild the team. Dennis goes on to say that they need to get some free agents and build the team accordingly.

Ricky Watters however, tells a different story. One that rings much truer than the ‘we-only-need-a-few-pieces format that Dennis Brown puts forth. Rickey said the 49ers are  where the Raiders were 4 years ago. Back when Re-Undead Al was still alive, the Raiders had no QB, a roster full of bloated free agent contracts, and coaches were coming and going like the tide. There was a lack of direction in the front office and no one knew who would be there one day to the next. The Raiders were able to get headed in the right direction by hiring a strong GM and nailing a few drafts. A few free agents helped, but the impetus was the draft that propelled them. Derek Carr and Amari Cooper being big parts of that. Throw in Khalil Mack and you have a nice set of pieces to build off of.

My biggest issue with that of course is the fact that Dennis completely disavows the last 6 drafts. Rickey himself said that Baalke’s last good draft was 2011. He said that ain’t cutting it. My point exactly. the fact that we are revolving through coaches and players isn’t an indictment of Trent Baalke, it is an indictment of Jed York. The massive stream of talent that has left the team is shared by both of them, as they didn’t do what they promised Colin Kaepernick when he signed his team-friendly deal, and that was to keep the good players here. It didn’t happen. They cheaped out and let Iupati, Crabs, Boldin, and plenty of others go.

And here is where Baalke is culpable. He did not restock the talent. He has 6 drafts under his belt and has gotten little to nothing from it.  Eric Reid is solid. Even Jimmie Ward is proving to be good. But nothing on offense. NO QB. No WRs. No linemen. He has been drafting defense-heavy for six years, and we are last in points allowed.

It is VERY hard to parse this in any other way than Jed needs to get rid of Trent Baalke.

The problem? Who will take the job with the caveat that he can’t fire the sitting head coach? We already stumbled over this roadblock when Jed insisted that almost-hired Adam Gase (funny enough, we face him on Sunday) was told he had to keep Jimmy T as his DC when Gase was set to keep Vic Fangio on as his DC. The deal blew up after that was laid out there.

Jed shotgunned the hire for no reason that I can figure out. It makes absolutely no sense that the owner would hamstring a possible hire over some asinine stipulation like forcing a coach on the new hire. Getting rid of Trent would impose another stipulation that the new GM MUST keep Chip Kelly as the HC as Jed is already on the hook for Jimmy T and Chip Kelly, in addition to the new hire. Jed (and mommy and daddy) don’t roll like that.

Beyond that, this is yet another game that I saw with my son where the Niners beat Miami and now the turkeys are coming home to roost.

NE has no pass rush. We keep up. Niners by 6.

30-24. Carry on