Forty Niners Forever

Not much to report on this, but there are 2 candidates that the Jedmarathe dynamic duo of dipshittedness have narrowed the search to. The candidates are George Paton (no not the general), and Terry McDonough (no not Terry Donohue).

The good news? Fuck I don’t know. None. The bad news? John Clayton reports that George Paton isn’t likely to want the job, and the word on McDonough is that AZ wants him out and would love to dump him on us due to his “hard to deal with” nature and him “not being a good guy.” They are talking him up to get him out.

Joy. Might as well talk to Mike Shanahan. If they get some dipshit GM, I wonder how long it takes Shanahan and McDonough to cross wires?

I think  now we have separated the wheat from the chaff. Pretenders like Houston, Detroit, and Miama have been dispatched with ease and alacrity. The remaining teams are the real deal.

The NFC matchup looks to be a high-flying offensive bonanza as Aaron (All Word) Rodgers faces off against Matty Ice. A fairly underappreciated QB who is having a phenomenal (MVP-worthy) year. Hard to go against Rodgers though as the MVP as he has the strongest will of any player in the NFL. He by the force of his personality and guts has won probably 5 games on his own that GB should have lost. It is very hard to bet against him, but I will:

Atl 38 – Green Bay 33

The AFC? Meh. NE at Pittsburgh looks to be a bit of a slog. Pittsburgh’s defense will slow down Tom Terrific, but not enough to win. I think Big Ben comes up small and throws a couple picks. Brady and co will do enough to take this.

NE 27 – Pitts 20

What do you think?

Or is he? Kind of excited? Sort of guardedly optimistic? Shit, I don’t know. We were in this situation a couple years ago when hotshot upcomer Adam Gase was 3/4 of the way through the door to be our new head coach. Seemed like a great idea at the time as he was young and new. Not a retread like Kelly or even a never-was like Jimmy Bag-a-donuts.

So, here we are on the precipice of signing another young coach with a bright future in Kyle Shanahan. He of the Atlanta Falcons high flying offense. Of course they are still playing, so nothing can be signed, but it is supposedly all but a formality. So was Gase. My point being, until the ink dries, it isn’t. The ghost in the machine (or the rat in the bell tower) may still have some wrenches to throw in the process. Least of which is to get a GM.

Eliot Wolf is out. He, like HC prospect Josh McDaniels,  used the vacancy to get a raise. I’m supremely glad McDaniels isn’t coming, but Wolf would have been nice. He was mad that GB didn’t let him interview for the Detroit job last year, but GB wants him to take over for GM Ted Thompson, who is retiring soon. They like him so much he’s gotten 3 promotions in 5 years. The guy on the radar now is Brian Gutekunst. In fact, the Green bay Gazette reports that Wolf wasn’t really considered because Gutekunst was the front-runner all along.

Sources there report that Young Jed said of Gutekunst “The owner says he’s Scot McCloughan without the drinking problem.”

Stay classy Jed. Jesus.

If last week showed anything it’s that the WC teams weren’t very worthy. The divisional round however brought some very good football.

And of course Mike Nolan still looks like an idiot for passing on Aaron Rodgers. Although Not so Young Sir Alex got close yet again to that elusive Championship game he’s been after since Kyle Williams fucked up so horribly.

I still harken back to the days we could have had Rodgers AND McCarthy but I digress. Rodgers yet again made  sick throw across his body under pressure on 3rd and 17 to give his kicker the (2) chance(s) to win the game.

On the flip side is Alex and Andy Reid fell short yet again. Always a bridesmaid and always coming up short. I wasn’t sold on KCs defense but they did more than enough to win that game. Reid and co fell short by going away from their primary weapons in Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce. Pittsburgh is not slouch on defense but there was no adjustment to get those guys the ball more often.

Ahhh well. This just makes us look bad in the end. Both those QBs in the infamous 2005 draft  are still  playing ar a high enough level to reach the playoffs and at least make some plays.  I don’t think Rodgers gets any further anyway, but that was a hell of a game from him yesterday.

The cesspool that is LA just gained another team. The San Diego Chargers pulled a figurative Art Modell and moved the Chargers to LA this morning at an NFL owners meeting that was supposed to be to grease I-5 for Prince Valiant sliming the Raiders to Vegas. Instead, we get Dean Spanos greed-heading his way north up the same I-5 to pile more gold bricks into his already fat coffers. La dee fricking dah. These guys are compensating for something.

Thing is, both LA teams hired head coaches. The perennial sucking Rams hired an offspring of one of our greatest execs, which pisses me off to no end, in Sean McVay. Grandson of John McVay. The man who worked hand-in-hand with Bill Walsh to build the dynasty that became the 49ers. I guess Yed (Cabana boy) York is too busy getting hair plugs to actually hire someone before all the coaches are gone.

As that happened, the newly minted LA Chargers hired our once-upon-a-time draft pick Anthony Lynn, a guy whose name has come up a few times what with all the recent coaching searches around here.

The Jags hired Doug Marrone. No biggie in itself, but their cagey move was to hire Tom Coughlin, their original coach, and 2x Super Bowl winning coach of the New York football Giants. Denver hired Vance Joseph, the defensive guru out of Miami. A bit curious with the offensive struggles in Denver. Buffalo hired Sean McDermott, another defensive coach, sort of the anti-Rex Ryan,  who evaluates what he has instead of forcing his team into his system. Another odd choice, as Anthony Lynn had the Buffalo offense clicking, and now they need to find an OC.

Meanwhile, we sit around and wait for our under-the-cabana troll to do something. Still waiting for the right moment (weeks?) to hire that GM? There’s no competition to finding someone so it shouldn’t be taking this fucking long, Jed.

If anything, this weekend’s helping of football pleasure should provide a little more excitement than last week’s bowl of turds. And at least the BCS game was fun last night. Mike Williams stock should get a little bump. As well as Deshaun Watson’s. Given my druthers I’d pick Williams in a heartbeat and worry about a QB later. He can make a mediocre guy look good. Just throw it up high and he’ll go get it. Who will be the thrower remains to be seen, but there’s the faint hope DSW is there at the 34th pick. Might be worth a shot. I mean, we have no QBs signed for next year and we have to start somewhere.

At some point this team needs to draft for offense. The last 6 defense-heavy drafts have netted the 32 ranked defense. Huzzah. We may not be as bad as things appear (and that’s on Browns exile LB coach Jim O’Neill), mainly because we have a decent D line, and solid DBs. It’s our weak LB corps and lack of a pass rush that really killed us.

Anyway, about those playoffs. I went through much the same last year. I picked all the WC games correctly, and then missed 3 of the next 4. With that being said:

Saturday:
Hawks at Falcons – As much as I feel like Seattle is finding their sea legs for this playoff run, I think Atlanta’s offense will kill a banged-up Seattle secondary. Matty Ice for the win – Atl 33 – Sea 20

Texans at Pats – ‘Nuff said. Pats 85 – Texans 6

Sunday:
Steelers at Chiefs – Though I want to pick Pittsburgh, and they probably will win, I hate them too much to go with my brain on this one. Young Sir Alex pulls one out. KC 28 – Pitts 24

Packers at Cowboys – This is a very intriguing matchup as you have the old vet QB in Aaron Rodgers, who yet again figured out how to pull a Hail Mary out of his ass (and kudos to the Giants defense for their abject cluelessness in that situation) and win another playoff game. Dallas on the other hand (another team I can’t stand) looks very tough, with their rookie tandem of Dak Prescott and Ezikiel Elliott tearing up the league. Again though, at the risk of being wrong (and yeah, what’s ever stopping me there?) and going with my heart instead of my brain, I have GB 35 – Dall 27

So far, meh. The resurgent season of the soon-to-be Vagabond-Vegas-Carson-Des Plaines Raiders was waylaid by an injury to Derek Carr. Holden McGroin also went down with  shoulder injury, so the task of beating the best defense in the NFL fell to Connor Cook. Game, set, match as the Texans, minus JJ Watt was still able to silence the Silver and Black.

The Seattle game? Well, Detroit is still searching for a road playoff win. Their last? Well, the fricking 1957 NFL championship game at Kezar that the Niners blew a 20-7 halftime lead. Beyond that, Seattle got their share of help from the refs, and did enough on offense to handle Detroit in a quite boring affair.

Both these games sucked. Although I did pick them both to win.

Today? Miami at Pittsburgh?

No brainer. Warm weather team travels to cold weather site and it is COLD. Pittsburgh 23-7.

Giants at Packers? This looks to be the best game of this WC weekend. Think the Packers continue their roll. Eli and Co have beaten good teams, but Rodgers will prevail. Green Bay 28-20.

Other than that, the Niners are still interviewing and haven’t done anything yet. They need to get off the schneid on the GM. They are competing against no one for that position. Get it done already.

PS> Is it me, or was this a crappy season? I mean beyond the fact that the Niners suck hairy balls, it seems like there is no electricity to the season. Dak Prescott is the only player to really leap out as being exciting. I hate Dallas, but they look to be the best team. That being said, I think just about any of these mediocre teams could run the table. QB play has been awful for the most part. Arcane penalties, home town reffing, and convoluted rules have seemingly conspired to suck the life out of what was a great game. There’s no end in sight.

All these teams, short of the usual New England, seem to have flaws that can be exploited.

I’ve mentioned all the players that the Niners are perusing in their GM search earlier, minus Brandon Beane, Carolina’s Assistant GM, and (gulp) wait for it, Jimmy Hat III! How many Jimmy Hats are there in the NFL? His father, the original Jimmy Hat,  is now the adviser to  NFL VP Troy Vincent. Jimmy the Deuce has been the VP of FO for the Colts for the last 4 years.

The barnyard may shit that Jay II guy is black, but hey, anyone is Better than Baalke. Louis Riddick is coming in next week for an interview. He has openly said that this is the best opportunity available of all the NFL jobs out there, and that he’d take the job in a heart beat. Given that, we may need to run some tests on his sanity.

He was drafted by us in 1991 but never played a down in the NFL.

Here’s the CSN report on the current candidates:

http://www.csnbayarea.com/49ers/confirmed-candidates-49ers-general-manager#slide-3

I think it’s fairly safe to say that the unknown Rat that Teflon Mike, Aluminum Mike, Jimmy Hat, Crabs, St. Jim, and Jimmy Bag-a-Donuts, among another few hundred, all referenced in their time here is none other than one Paraage Marathe. He is the only constant among all the players in this charade ,aside from Young Jed Dicks-a-lot. And we all know Jed doesn’t get his hands near the dirt, lest an actual player or coach calls his lily white ass out. His latest fall guy is the GM.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the guy out last year, and I questioned his draft 2 years ago because he ignored the glaring holes on the team, but really, Trent (I never met a torn ACL I didn’t love) Baalke was ousted through the whisper campaign before Sunday’s game even started, leaving Chip Kelly twisting in the wind as a lame-duck coach. He of course got word after the game. But no matter. Jed babbled some nonsense after the game that i haven’t had the will to listen to yet, but yet again, this organization looks like a team being run by a 10 year old. Or an Orange-hued politician.

So once again, Jed and Paraag will scour the universe for Baalke’s replacement. I was guaranteeing that Tom Gamble would be the next GM, but that was before the season went total Cleveland Browns. Jed is saying that the GM will be from outside the organization, but really, who will they get? Someone with experience? Who would walk into this shit show? As I said earlier, Paraag is the problem. He has no football experience short of the disaster he’s presided over these last 16 years. He was Nolan’s red-flag guy. He’s been the contract guy, President, EVP, and whatever the fuck they want to call his spot. He was supposedly stripped of his powers past year, but he’s still the top dog calling the shots. He’s got Jed’s ear (and his balls, apparently), and he’s also the guy leaking things to Jason LaCanfora, Jay Glazer, and York family fave, Trent Dildo.

Take a gander at Marathe’s football experience before his tenure with the 49ers guy who makes all the football decisions:

“Prior to joining the 49ers, Marathe spent several years at management consulting firm Bain & Company, as a Senior Associate Consultant, where he advised clients in a variety of industries including private equity, venture capital, software, retail, sports footwear, consumer products, and health clubs. Before that, Marathe worked in the sports consulting group at the International Management Group (IMG), where he concentrated primarily on stadium naming rights deals, corporate sponsorships, and athlete endorsements.”

What is funny is we now hear that Baalke is the one that nixed the Gase hire and put a stop to drafting Dak Prescott. True? Could be. Or it could be the latest pack of lies coming out of the asshole of this organization. I find it hard to believe that with the Gase hire that it came down to Baalke insisting on Tomsula as the DC. It must have come from Jed. What is ludicrous abut it is the timing of this. Now that they have their latest whipping boy, and pin every bad decision on him.

I have no idea who or what to believe, but the timing sure seems a bit convenient. The Gase story was apparently confirmed by Tim Kawakami a couple years ago, but who knows?

Since we have  almost reached the merciful end to yet another lost season, the sentiment around my abode is, what now? Do we burn the fucker down and start from square 1? Or do we try to rejigger the front office together from the scraps of a misbegotten group?

Here’s what we got:

OWNERSHIP
Denise DeBartolo York Co-Chairman
John York Co-Chairman
Jed York CEO
John M. Sobrato Co-Owner
Mark Wan Co-Owner
Gideon Yu Co-Owner

EXECUTIVE MANAGEMENT
FOOTBALL OPERATIONS
Trent Baalke General Manager
Paraag Marathe Chief Strategy Officer and EVP of Football Operations

BUSINESS OPERATIONS
Al Guido President
Hannah Gordon General Counsel
Brano Perkovich Chief Investment Officer
Scott Sabatino Chief Financial Officer
Patty Inglis Executive Vice President

As much as that OWNERSHIP group needs to be jettisoned, we have no reality scenario where that happens. Stripping Jed of his toy would be most excellent, but I don’t really think Daddy and Mommy Dork will usurp the young drooling one. Sobranto Wan and Yu (aka Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe) are not on my radar and I have no idea the pull they have within the front office machinations. Which is a problem in itself.

The EXECUTIVE MANAGEMENT team is where we need a whole new group. Baalke has turned from Exec of the Year to  Doormat of the Decade as he has overseen the mass exodus of talent from the team while wasting stockpiled picks on ACL guys, shitty punters, and little help to the team’s roster. Paraag seems to be the biggest fly in the ointment. His stink has been all over the team going back to the Nolan days when he was supposedly helping with red flag rulings. He famously challenged and unchallengeable look at a field goal and it cost the team a game, IIRC.

The BUSINESS OPERATIONS group? Who knows? Al Guido sounds like the right guy for the job if you are building a parking lot in Trenton New Jersey, but running BIZ OPS? Fuck it. Anything associated with the big stink coming out of 4949 Centennial Blvd. should be canned.

I’ll deal with the coaches later.