Forty Niners Forever

Damn. It was nearly 4 years ago that the 49ers rolled into New England on a cold clear Foxboro night and withstood a huge Tom Brady comeback to beat the Pats 41-34. Both teams, while still utilizing the same QBs, had much different supporting casts. Aaron Hernandez was yet to murder anyone, and the Niners defense was ferocious. Kappy threw 4 TDs/ 1 pick that night, to Brady’s 1/2 (221 to 443 in yards though) including the clincher to Crabs after an Aldon Smith interception to put the game out of reach.

Now? Well, NE has retooled their team on the fly, as they always seem to do, and won a Super Bowl. We have shedded parts like a redlining 1973 Pinto on bald tires rolling down I-5. We have a gleaming new stadium that sits half-empty on game day. It has the ambience of a doctor’s office waiting room, and is on the wrong side of the Bay Area.

But I bet there’s more people that come to this game as this is likely the last time that Tom Terrific (nee of Serra High School in San Mateo (Go Padres! Class of ’79!)) plays in his home stadium.

Is incremental improvement losing by only 24?

Hmmmmm. Couldn’t beat the Cards in our house with their backup QB Drew Stanton going 11-28, so coming in to their house with their team at full strength doesn’t bode well.

The offense at least got some yards last week, albeit against a shitty defense, but you have to look hard for positives. That’s all I got.

Cant even switch over to the Raiders to watch a solid team this Sunday…

The lost and sinking ship that is the 49ers is traveling slowly through the Mojave Desert (yeah, ships don’t travel over sand, but work with me here) down I 10 to settle down in the warm confines of Phoenix. A place that gets it’s name from a bird that burned up and was reborn as a harbinger of renewal and good fortunes.

Well, the Cardinals resemble a phoenix in its ashy state right about now. A team that the pundits picked to win it all, and one that I called to crash and burn, is somewhere closer to the damaged and crispy stage. They are 11th in the playoff standings at 3-4-1 and they’ve beaten also-rans Tampa Bay, the Rams, and us. Even playing in this weak-ass division, they are sucking. Their defense is still top-notch, but their offense is on the fair to dogshit side of things. Even still, we got beat by the backup, so there’s little hope here for anything resembling yet another demolition. So, even though this ‘contender’ was set to roll, they can’t even take care of the lowly Rams in their own house. So, they look to be in another long hibernation of 1,400 years when the phoenix shall arise again. At least that’s how the Bidwills are running it.

Speaking of shitty owners . . . The Bidwill family has been running the team for 87 years, and have 7 division championships, one conference championship, and 1 NFL championship. So, 1 championship in 1947, and a 7-9 playoff record under the Bidwills. That’s some serious sucking. They’ve had recent success, but they appear to be backsliding.

Us? Well we have a nice young owner who apparently has absolutely no idea how to make any moves as to how to run this shit. The decisions being made are bandaids on brain injuries, and there’s little to give hope that even if we lose out, we’ll have any success in the draft should the current ship of fools be kept in  place.

Go AZ . . . And Go Browns! Big game tonight for them. What’s funny is Hue Jackson had a choice between SF and the factory of sadness. They are a collective 1-16.

Woof!

In the inexorable death march to whatever this offseason purge portends, we have reached the mid-point of the season in worse shape than last year. Huh? How is that possible? Why? Well, a steadily dwindling pool of talented players is the biggest reason. Throw in injuries to what few good players we have, a revolving door approach to coaching hires, and lack of attention to the offense for the past 6 drafts, and the slide continues.

I have no idea what happens at the end, but if the results are going to continue on the current trend, what is there to do? 8 more losses and we’ve done the impossible and made Jimmy T look like, well, Monte Clark. Instead of himself, which is how the front office portrayed him  as they tossed him aside. As if they weren’t the ones that hired him in the first place. Granted, Adam Gase, Hue Jackson, Jim Harbaugh, or God himself couldn’t win with this collection of 2nd and 3rd stringers.

So my hope is for fly-bys, protests,  and more and more bags . . .

Yeah, this should be good. In what has become an inexorable death march to the depths of hell, the 49ers host the Norlins Saints. A fair to middling team coming off a home victory over the Seahawks. Which likely means another high scoring affair. From them, anyway. Us? Well, hopefully we can put together more than just one good quarter, and play something resembling a complete game. But I digress.

I’m more hoping for the paper bags to come out in full forces. My son and I got a pretty strong reaction from fans, and about 50 pic requests. So, I’m thinking it sparks more reaction. There’s also talk of fly-bys as fans are crowd-funding “Fire Trent” and “Jed Go Home” banners.

At somer point you have to wonder when Jed will cut mommy’s apron strings and run the team without Dr. Death looking over his shoulder. Maybe then he’ll start making sound decisions. Or not. At what point does he become a complete laughingstock? His brand new stadium is already 1/2 empty on game day, and fans are suing for their set licenses back.

Like it fucking matters, but really. At some point, Jed needs to act like he knows and/or cares about the team. Otherwise, he should sell the stadium to the Raiders, and sell the team to Steve Young and Brent Jones.

Bye weeks are no fun. Unless you are a 49er fan. Now it is an inexorable crawl to Palookaville. It’ll be interesting to see how the Raiders handle the Bucs. A team that the 49ers should have beaten, but instead reverted to sloppy ineffectual play. Hard to believe the Jimmy T team looks to have a better season than this year’s version, but that is squarely on the defense that Trent Baalke has been drafting for lo these past 6 seasons.

Other than that, I got nothing. This team is going nowhere. And it is going backwards. Everyone not in the building cannot understand why Trent Baalke still has a job. Unfortunately the only guy in the world that likes him is Jerry Jed Jerkoff Junior.

I hope to see more bags, and fly-bys, at the next home game.

The stands are already half-empty. It’ll be a ghost town by the end of the season. I can’t even get excited about the prospect of a top 3 pick if we have the same fucking idiot making the pick next year.

The Browns, the Niners, the (very surprisingly) Panthers, and the (NOT surprisingly) Bears look to be the scum-sucking bottom feeders of the NFL for the remainder of the year. Hopefully by then we’ll have traded Colin Kaepernick for Shaun Hill looking to return to the glory days of 2008.

This is my son and I yesterday at the game. While it is a vast improvement of my looks, I was surprised not to see more dissension. Must have had about 50-60 people ask to take our picture. Walking to my car, we got a lot of honks and thumbs ups.

Futile protest? Sure. But what else is there? Not going? My son wanted to see a game at the new digs, so we did it. Our last game was in 2013. Who knew that was the beginning of the end? At best the stadium was a little over half full. Even on the shady side. For a stadium that is brand new and a team that is 3 years removed from the NFC Championship game, this is a precipitous fall.

Bitch as you will about the QB situation, this team has so many holes it resembles Swiss cheese, minus the cheese. The ‘defense’ gave up another 150 + rushing performance to recent couch surfer Jaquizz Rodgers. And 250 total rushing yards on their way to 513 total these last TWO games.

As is with recent games, we seem to own the first quarter. The opening kickoff was a near perfect drive as Kaepernick and co drove 75 yards in 6 plays, with Kappy going 2-2 for 41 yards, and CK getting 7 on a run with Mike Davis sealing the deal with 12 yards and the score (plus a 15 yard headhunting call). The teams traded punts until Gerald Hodges picked off a tipped pass at the TB 38 and ran it to the TB 17. One play later it was 14-0 as CK fired a bullet to Shaun Draughns in the front corner of the end zone.

14-0 at the end of the first quarter. You know the rest. We were outscored 34-3 for the rest of the game. Kappy threw a stupid pick to kill a drive. VMcD was covered like a blanket and Kappy threw it to the DB. Streater killed the next drive with a drop on 3rd and 2. The high-powered Shit Chipper offense then started throwing 4 yard passes. all to no avail as the half ended.

Still and all, we were only down 17-14, and we stopped TB on their opening drive to the 3rd. Of course Mo and Kerley muff the punt giving the Bucs the ball back. Another potential drive was killed by a 15 yard drop by VMcD and the defense kept failing. The Niners get a little drive going, and elect to kick a FG, which  I thought was stupid as it still left us down 2 scores. It looked even dumber when we gave up a 44 yard TD run to the TB mascot. And they don’t even have one.

We suck. This’ll be my first game at the new digs, and it’ll be a stretch to say the team is rolling, or even showing up prepared. Gonna meet up with Irish Kevin and grab a beer or 3. Bringing a couple of the kids as well. Fun? We’ll see.

As far as the game? Shit. Who knows? We look like a 3-13 team after another week one peak. Crazy enough, we were doing better last year. I thought last year’s defense was bad. This year’s version is flat awful. Yeah, they’ve been hurt, and losing Ian Williams is still hurting, but they give up 15 yard runs 8 times a game.

The offense? Well, the fact that we are on to Kaepernick says something about:

a) Gabbert;

b) A renegotiated Kappie contract

c) A molasses-like run game

Christian Ponder, get ready. I have a little hope that Kaepernick will improve as the season goes along, mainly because he’s playing for his future in New York. Or Denver. Both those teams are not in any better QB shape as they were when the season started.

The Tampa Bags? Another fairly unimpressive team that at the beginning of the year I thought would be a fairly easy win. For us, I mean. Now of course all bets are off. We are less than the sum of our parts. A collection of players with no direction, and no plan. A front office with no clue and no organization. A miasma of middle managers muddying up the works. I don’t know. I will say though that my son talked me into making a couple of bag to wear over our heads. Yes, an improvement, and no, its not a fly-by . . .

Go Warriors . . .

Yes, here we are once again balanced on the knife-edge of futility as another season begins its inexorable swirl down the drain. Yes, we have done the coaching purge. Yes we have drafted a raft full of new guys who apparently are taxi-squad material. Yes, we have a new coaching staff that was hell-bent on speeding up the team. Yes, we have switched QBs. Yes, we have gone nowhere. In fact, we are in worse shape than last year. And this is an accomplishment in itself. So, what now?

Well, we still have the same owner. And we still have the same GM. And therein lies the rub. Something tells me this might be the problem. That being said, the owner, in his inimitable leaking fashion, has leaked out that:

“A 49ers source strongly indicated that general manager Trent Baalke is safe to remain with the team after this season, despite the team’s poor play so far. The 49ers defense has allowed more than 30 points in four of its past five games, but the belief by 49ers management is that Baalke is the right person to pick players for coach Chip Kelly going forward.”

Granted, these whispers can turn to shouts of derision pretty quickly, as Jimmy T got the same basic thumbs-up from the management last year at this time before he was booted. Another wrinkle to this tragicomedy is that Eddie D’s daughter Lisa pulled no punches in saying that Young Sir Jed Whispers-a-lot needs to go, in no uncertain terms.

http://www.ninersnation.com/2016/10/18/13323210/lisa-debartolo-tweet-jed-york-49ers-ceo-eddie-debartolo

This smacks of Baalke’s daughter tweeting that Greg Roman was on the hot seat ac ouple season back, but I think Eddie’s daughter Lisa’s comment carries a hell of a lot more weight behind it than Trent’s daughter.

Thing is, the team is not improving in any way shape or form. We are not a young, hungry team looking for a few key players. We are not a vet-laden team looking for a couple strong rookies to get over the hump. We are a collection of mis-labeled parts in search of a master mechanic. The talent that was there 3 short seasons ago has evaporated. The drafts have given us little in the way of impact players. Although we have the All-ACL team of all-time.

Trent Baalks-a-lot has ignored the offense for 6 years now at the cost of building the 30th ranked defense. Stop me if I’m not optimistic. I know we have some very good players, but after watching mediocre teams like AZ and Buffalo walk all over us, I have misgivings. After watching WR after WR drop off the board as we draft yet another ACL prayer, I get pissed. After drafting a punter no one wanted in the 5th round, I get flummoxed. Baalke is very good at gathering a boat-load of picks, but he wastes them like Bonnie and Clyde waste bullets.

At some point, Jed needs to see what the problem really is. And it is his GM.

. . . the weird turn pro. My old neighbor Hunter Thompson would be highly amused by the NFL these days. At le4ast with the state of the 49ers. Hunter, who at one point talked football on the press plane with Richard Nixon while vilifying him in his Rolling Stone articles, recounted the story of Nixon recommending a few plays to then Redskins coach George Allen. Turns out they lost 6 yards and field goal position and ended up losing the game.

Ooops. Sounds familiar, eh? The new up-tempo offense, and the revamped coaching staff has produced the same result so far as last season. Well, actually, no. We managed to beat Baltimore while my wife and I were driving around the Tuscan region of Italy last year, so we had the stellar record of 2-4 last year. So we are a game worse. Changing QBs didn’t help things much, but then again, the injury depleted defense was ripped to shreds by LeSean McCoy. Someone who seemed to want to prove something to his ex-coach. To the tune of 140 rushing yards.

Colin Kaepernick looked weak and rusty as he missed passes and couldn’t seem to get into the flow. Then again for a guy who is 4 months behind Gabbert, he looked just as mediocre. Which is good, I guess. He’s playing for his ticket out of here, so we’ll see how this goes the next few games. He did extend some drives with his legs, and did hit Torrey Smith for a deep TD for a change, but all in all a sub-par game.

For all the shitty play though, the Niners were still in the game midway through the 3rd quarter, down by 4 and driving after a 26 yard scramble by CK. On 3rd and 1, we tried a run up the middle. of course we tried the same thing on 4th and 1 to the same result. From that point, Buffalo took control.

And this is where I get pissed about play calling. Chip HAS to know that if he doesn’t get the 1st down on 3rd and 1 that he is going to go for it on 4th down. If that is the case, then take a shot on THIRD down. Play action 5 yard pass to a TE or some shit. Something more imaginative than 2 runs up the gut. As it was, Buffalo took over, and 4 plays later scored a touchdown, putting them up 24-13.

Folks will call the game a blowout, one we didn’t have aa chance in, but the game turned on that 4th and 1 stop. Even the beginning of the 4th quarter, the Niners were down one score (24-16) after the FG to start the 4th. As usual, the Niners got Buff into a 3rd and 8 initially, and the defense did its stellar job of giving up an easy 1st down to continue the drive. The clown-car act of the 4th quarter sealed the game. Fumbled kick return, offsides penalty on a punt for a 1st down, on and on. Once again, a game that looked like a stupid performance, but per usual, was determined by a couple stupid plays on a crucial drive.