Phun in Philly

Seeing the clusterfuck that we are, you have to wonder if ol’ Chipper is counting his blessings to be out of Philly. Sam Bradford had the gall to complain about the Eagles drafting of Carson Wentz. Poor Sam and his 2 year/$35 million deal is butt hurt over the  fact he has to compete for his job. So he split non-mandatory workouts so he could collect his thoughts. Or money and thoughts. Whatever. Wentz will take over at some point, or he proves to be a bust. Bradford can only hope to hold things down until he;s replaced. But $35 mill leaves a pretty nice cushion to land on.

Michael Bennett replied by saying he almost puked after hearing this. Good for Michael . . .

Who says the NFL isn’t fun?


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The New Offense is Here! The New Offense is Here!

Gone is the plodding, methodical Harbaugh approach, and gone is whatever last year’s shit-pile offense was. Now we have the go-go Chip Kelly offense. Speed and simplicity replace endless shifting and the four-headed play calling system. They’ve only done a mini-camp, and the players are being taxed a lot more than under the last 2 coaches. The offensive players seem to like it so far, and I guess by association, the defense will get a lot of practice time in trying to defend it.

For the offense, the players said they were starting to catch on to the new system (hand signals, quick tempo) at the end of the minicamp, and the first of 3 OTAs start next week, so it’s full steam ahead. The giant question mark to this new team is the offense. And say what you will about Chip, he did wonders in Philly with their offense. How the defense plays, or even what their identity is, remains a mystery as well.

As we saw with Khaki Jim, things can turn around on a dime in this league. Chip? Hey it could happen. Not 13-3 happen, but 9-7 happen. Playoffs? Probably not, but a winning record would be manna at this point.

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The Edge of Wetness

Free agency is over. The draft is over. All that’s left before the season starts is training camp and preseason. The 49ers shitcanned an entire coaching staff (have fun with your $10 mill, Jimmy T!) and hired an offensive guru who will bring his hyperdrive offense to the Team Under the Bay.  I even speculated months before it happened that it would be mildly interesting to see how Colin Kaepernick and Chip Kelly could run a mobile wide open offense.

However, the brain trust (insert Abby Normal joke here) bad-mouthed and whisper-trashed Kaepernick for half of last season before overvaluing him this offseason and demanding too much, and eventually crying uncle while Kappy still gets paid. Kappy did his own balloon-floating by stating his desire to go to the Jets.A no-go as the Jets are still courting Ryan Fitzpatrick (and his evil twin/lover Patrick Fitzryan) Denver diddled around and didn’t pull the trigger, and so here we are. With an untested offense, a disgruntled quarterback who has a huge distrust of the front office, and oh yeah, a right tackle who is engaging in his own tweet battle with the front office.

Sure, we’re stable. Stable as Kim Jong Ill.  The question is, do we have reason to be optimistic? Teams around us appear to be treading water. Seattle lost beast mode. Although his replacement chewed us up pretty well last year. Their defense isn’t nearly what it once was. AZ is still being led by  Captain Crunchy Carson Palmer. A guy who never met a playoff game he excelled in. And then there’s the recently re-minted LA Rams. Meh. I’ll believe them when I see them actually do something They’ve been the team on the rise for 8 seasons now with nothing to show for it. At least we rose to higher heights and then crashed spectacularly into a heap of smoking wreckage. They’ve just been fair to poor for nigh a decade. As Neil Young once said, it’s better to burn out than it is to rust.


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Nap Time

Well, nothing to do but wait for the OTAs, camps, and walk-throughs to start. But this is a couple months away. All we have now is draft ratings, talk, and angst over anything and everything. The 49ers are a mess, hot or otherwise, and Chip has a lot of problems to address. But at least he’s somewhat versed in developing an offense that doesn’t shit the bed on a regular basis.

But this is a different team and a different scenario, what with the Kaepernick trade talk and the ensuing disinformation campaign waged by the whisper brigade. Every team has questions, up to and including the Super Bowl Champion Denver Broncos, who are in a tizzy as they wonder about the outlook of their immediate offensive future. Peyton Manning retired, and now they have Mark Sanchez’s tiny little feet filling his cleats. Paxton Lynch is certainly their QB of the future, but they would most likely want Lynch to sit for the next two seasons to pick things up. So, where does that leave Denver? Hard to say, but can Sanchez match Manning’s/Osweiler’s underwhelming performance last season? With that defense it looks fairly promising, but it is hard to repeat, and Denver’s line was a little less than stellar.

I mean, we’ve beaten our issues to death. Why not Denver’s?

Anyone think they are in better shape with Sanchize as their QB? Kappy? Should they start Lynch from the get-go? Hey, they did it with Elway. . .

Anyhow, here’s some chatter from Denver.

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Your Retooled 49er Squad

Here they are . . .

Round 1: Pick 7 – Oregon DL DeForest Buckner
Round 1: Pick 28 ( via trade with the Kansas City Chiefs) – Stanford G Joshua Garnett
Round 3: Pick 5 (68th overall) – Mississippi State CB Will Redmond
Round 4: Pick 35 (133rd overall) – compensatory – LSU CB Rashard Robinson
Round 5: Pick 3 (142nd overall) – from San Diego – Appalachian State DL Ronald Blair
Round 5: Pick 6 (145th overall) – Georgia OL John Theus
Round 5: Pick 37 (174th overall) – compensatory – Ole Miss OL Fahn Cooper
Round 6: Pick 32 (207th overall) – from Denver – Louisiana QB Jeff Driskel
Round 6: Pick 36 (211th overall) – compensatory – Florida RB Kelvin Taylor
Round 6: Pick 38 (213th overall) – compensatory – Michigan State WR Aaron Burbridge
Round 7: Pick 28 (249th overall) – from Kansas City – Western Kentucky CB Prince Charles Iworah

Raaah-thurrrrr. Prince Charles? Yes! U, really, I give this a Meh. Double Meh. Baalke once again plays it like he’s immune to criticism and he’s got unlimited time to turn this thing around. First pick is solid. Helping the line? OK I get it. But . . . we’ve gone over that. 3rd round? Yet another ACL guy. This time it’s Will Redmond, a  semi-troubled guy coming off a major  knee injury. The next CB is another problem child. He sat on a season-long suspension rather than transfer, and came out early. Little game experience, but the potential . . . yadda yadda yadda.

I also don’t get passing on Cook for Driskel. He’s QB 4, so I don’t even see him making the roster. He’ll be a taxi squad guy. If that. 3 CBs drafted, and 3 O linemen tells you what the braintrust thinks of our existing guys. So, as usual, a lot of late-round fliers mixed in with the first two picks.

UDFA additions:
Kevin Anderson, LB, Stanford
Jered Bell, S, Colorado
Devon Cajuste, WR, Stanford
Demetrius Cherry, DT, Arizona
Jay Fanaika, DE, Utah
Lenny Jones, DE/OLB, Nevada
John Lunsford, K, Liberty
Bryce Treggs, WR, Cal

WRs from Cal are usually solid to great. Same with Stanfoo. Again, you have to wonder what they think of the current crop of players when they get this many  UDFA WRs.

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Day of Reckoning – Part Deaux

Draft grade so far? C.

We drafted the bookend DE to Aric Armstead in DeForest (Bones) Kelly, uh, Buckner, and traded up to get the only position we filled in free agency, namely Left Guard. Color me baffled. Most draft boards had Cody Whitehair as the no 1 guard in the draft. And he was scheduled as a 2nd rounder. Joshua Garnett, the Stanfoo product was the Outland winner, and such, but was slotted as a low-2nd/high 3rd round pick. Yes, we need a pass rush, yes we need bodies on the line, but Buckner is more an interior run-stuffing guy, and we already signed a guard a few weeks ago. Come to think of it, we didn’t stop the run well either, so there’s that. I just hope he provides more immediate impact than his Duck buddy Armstead did.

The guard thing though confuses the shit out of me, though. I ALWAYS get the sense Trent is drafting in a bubble of his own creation. Like saying he had AJ Jenkins name in an envelope 30 days before we drafted him smacks of arrogance and intractability. This was another pick that was about 1-2 slots too high for a guy that ended up being a complete bust. Even beyond the fact he was a washout, what does it say about Baalke that he doesn’t even pay attention to what happened leading up to his pick at 30 that year? Trading up for a 2-3 guy in the 1st is the same kind of thing. Like he knows something that no one else does. Like he’s outsmarting people by doing this. Well, all he is doing is outsmarting himself. KC is happy as hell with their haul of our 2nd, 4th, and 6th round picks. Att to jump 10 spots for a guy that would have been there.

That being said, I LIKE that he drafted line help. I just don’t understand why the trade for a guy that would have been there 10 picks later. Mainly because he’s burning whatever flimsy bridge there was between Anthony Davis and the 49ers. AD is a tool for doing what he did last year, but Baalke is the tool this year for acting the innocent party and floating trade rumors. As it is, we still need a right tackle.

Today’s proceedings get a little less fun what with the trade out, but hey, See you in the 3rd round.

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The Day of Reckoning Has Arrived . . .

No other way to put it. This team’s immediate future is in the hands of one Trent Baalke. A guy who has pissed away a loaded roster, and backfilled it with dogshit. Sure, he doesn’t stand alone on the pile of garbage that has become the stink by the Bay. Young Sir Tweetsalot played his part in alienating the previous head coach, and then hiring a fall guy to take his place,  further driving guys out. But still and all, the GM is in charge of getting the talent here. Through the draft, and through free agency. And the occasional trade.

We all are familiar with Baalke’s draft record. And we all saw the tremendous haul we got with our cap money. Zane (Meet the) Beadles, and a backup QB who’s name slips my mind. Oh yeah, Huey Lewis. The News isn’t good however.

Anyhow, based on how these last few drafts have gone, I have no idea what Trent has in store for us today in the 1st round. We are in desperate need of O line help, CB help, ILB help, and WR help. Funny thing is, I wrote this exact same fucking thing last year. Trent did NOTHING to address the needs of the team last year, and we paid for it dearly with a crappy line, an inconsistent defense, and a punter we wasted a 5th round draft pick on who turned out to be a vanilla-flavored turd.

Today? No clue. With us out of the QB sweepstakes, and no QBs of note on the horizon for next year’s draft, my hope is that we build up the O line. Namely an OT. Someone to bookend Joe Staley. Fortunately, it looks like we’ll be able to get Ronnie Stanley. The Staley/Stanley show.  Laremy Tunsil, the top tackle in the draft, won’t get by Ozzie Newsome and the Ravens. Vernon Hargreaves is also on my radar as a CB who could very well slide right in to the line up.

Unfortunately, there’s an injured guy who looked to be a top pick until recent knee issues popped up. Yes, the undersized part-time RB and feisty ILB Myles Jack. Leave it to Baalke to draft a guy who’s undersized, hurt, and on a gimpy peg. We are thin at ILB, but still, I’ll give up the team if he drafts Jack . . .


Anyhow, in case you live under a rock (hi, NoFear), and need the draft schedule, here it is:

Round 1, Thursday: 5 p.m. on ESPN and the NFL Network; and online at and Watch ESPN/Watch ESPN apps.ESPN Radio will carry Thursday and Friday rounds.

Rounds 2-3, Friday: 4 p.m. on ESPN and the NFL Network and online at and Watch ESPN/Watch ESPN apps. At 8 p.m., the coverage shifts to ESPN2. Each team has seven minutes in which to make its pick.

Rounds 4-7, Saturday: 9 a.m. on ESPN and the NFL Network and online at and Watch ESPN/Watch ESPN apps. Each team has five minutes in which to submit their official pick; they’ll have four minutes in Round 7.

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