San Francisco 49ers Forever

I’ve mentioned all the players that the Niners are perusing in their GM search earlier, minus Brandon Beane, Carolina’s Assistant GM, and (gulp) wait for it, Jimmy Hat III! How many Jimmy Hats are there in the NFL? His father, the original Jimmy Hat,  is now the adviser to  NFL VP Troy Vincent. Jimmy the Deuce has been the VP of FO for the Colts for the last 4 years.

The barnyard may shit that Jay II guy is black, but hey, anyone is Better than Baalke. Louis Riddick is coming in next week for an interview. He has openly said that this is the best opportunity available of all the NFL jobs out there, and that he’d take the job in a heart beat. Given that, we may need to run some tests on his sanity.

He was drafted by us in 1991 but never played a down in the NFL.

Here’s the CSN report on the current candidates:

http://www.csnbayarea.com/49ers/confirmed-candidates-49ers-general-manager#slide-3

I think it’s fairly safe to say that the unknown Rat that Teflon Mike, Aluminum Mike, Jimmy Hat, Crabs, St. Jim, and Jimmy Bag-a-Donuts, among another few hundred, all referenced in their time here is none other than one Paraage Marathe. He is the only constant among all the players in this charade ,aside from Young Jed Dicks-a-lot. And we all know Jed doesn’t get his hands near the dirt, lest an actual player or coach calls his lily white ass out. His latest fall guy is the GM.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the guy out last year, and I questioned his draft 2 years ago because he ignored the glaring holes on the team, but really, Trent (I never met a torn ACL I didn’t love) Baalke was ousted through the whisper campaign before Sunday’s game even started, leaving Chip Kelly twisting in the wind as a lame-duck coach. He of course got word after the game. But no matter. Jed babbled some nonsense after the game that i haven’t had the will to listen to yet, but yet again, this organization looks like a team being run by a 10 year old. Or an Orange-hued politician.

So once again, Jed and Paraag will scour the universe for Baalke’s replacement. I was guaranteeing that Tom Gamble would be the next GM, but that was before the season went total Cleveland Browns. Jed is saying that the GM will be from outside the organization, but really, who will they get? Someone with experience? Who would walk into this shit show? As I said earlier, Paraag is the problem. He has no football experience short of the disaster he’s presided over these last 16 years. He was Nolan’s red-flag guy. He’s been the contract guy, President, EVP, and whatever the fuck they want to call his spot. He was supposedly stripped of his powers past year, but he’s still the top dog calling the shots. He’s got Jed’s ear (and his balls, apparently), and he’s also the guy leaking things to Jason LaCanfora, Jay Glazer, and York family fave, Trent Dildo.

Take a gander at Marathe’s football experience before his tenure with the 49ers guy who makes all the football decisions:

“Prior to joining the 49ers, Marathe spent several years at management consulting firm Bain & Company, as a Senior Associate Consultant, where he advised clients in a variety of industries including private equity, venture capital, software, retail, sports footwear, consumer products, and health clubs. Before that, Marathe worked in the sports consulting group at the International Management Group (IMG), where he concentrated primarily on stadium naming rights deals, corporate sponsorships, and athlete endorsements.”

What is funny is we now hear that Baalke is the one that nixed the Gase hire and put a stop to drafting Dak Prescott. True? Could be. Or it could be the latest pack of lies coming out of the asshole of this organization. I find it hard to believe that with the Gase hire that it came down to Baalke insisting on Tomsula as the DC. It must have come from Jed. What is ludicrous abut it is the timing of this. Now that they have their latest whipping boy, and pin every bad decision on him.

I have no idea who or what to believe, but the timing sure seems a bit convenient. The Gase story was apparently confirmed by Tim Kawakami a couple years ago, but who knows?

Since we have  almost reached the merciful end to yet another lost season, the sentiment around my abode is, what now? Do we burn the fucker down and start from square 1? Or do we try to rejigger the front office together from the scraps of a misbegotten group?

Here’s what we got:

OWNERSHIP
Denise DeBartolo York Co-Chairman
John York Co-Chairman
Jed York CEO
John M. Sobrato Co-Owner
Mark Wan Co-Owner
Gideon Yu Co-Owner

EXECUTIVE MANAGEMENT
FOOTBALL OPERATIONS
Trent Baalke General Manager
Paraag Marathe Chief Strategy Officer and EVP of Football Operations

BUSINESS OPERATIONS
Al Guido President
Hannah Gordon General Counsel
Brano Perkovich Chief Investment Officer
Scott Sabatino Chief Financial Officer
Patty Inglis Executive Vice President

As much as that OWNERSHIP group needs to be jettisoned, we have no reality scenario where that happens. Stripping Jed of his toy would be most excellent, but I don’t really think Daddy and Mommy Dork will usurp the young drooling one. Sobranto Wan and Yu (aka Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe) are not on my radar and I have no idea the pull they have within the front office machinations. Which is a problem in itself.

The EXECUTIVE MANAGEMENT team is where we need a whole new group. Baalke has turned from Exec of the Year to  Doormat of the Decade as he has overseen the mass exodus of talent from the team while wasting stockpiled picks on ACL guys, shitty punters, and little help to the team’s roster. Paraag seems to be the biggest fly in the ointment. His stink has been all over the team going back to the Nolan days when he was supposedly helping with red flag rulings. He famously challenged and unchallengeable look at a field goal and it cost the team a game, IIRC.

The BUSINESS OPERATIONS group? Who knows? Al Guido sounds like the right guy for the job if you are building a parking lot in Trenton New Jersey, but running BIZ OPS? Fuck it. Anything associated with the big stink coming out of 4949 Centennial Blvd. should be canned.

I’ll deal with the coaches later.

The juggernaut that is the Santa Franciscoclara 49ers is heading toward week 17 with an awesome one-game winning streak. So all is well in Ninerland. The team is hitting its stride. Well, just kidding.

The trainwreck that has become the 2016 season reaches its conclusion next Saturday with the Seattle Seahawks coming to town to waylay they last shred of crapitude from the bowels of the front office.

That’s my hope, anyway. Young Sir Jed Hides-a-lot is not playing a fair game of whack-a-mole by staying underground all year. He has systematically intruded and decisioned his way to a team that has no talent, no football people, and no chance of righting their way any time soon if we keep following the playbook of the 12 years of crapitude with 2.5 years of relevance.

We have no QBs signed for next year. A shitty WR corps(e). Decent RBs. A decent line. A one-year wonder lame duck coaching staff that has yet again set new lows in futility. Granted, the coaching staff has a  D-III college roster, but with that said, there are ways out of this for Young Jedidumbfuck:

1. Get rid of nearly everyone in the front office.
2. Hire an overseer (for ex: Tom Coughlin)
3. Find a GM.
4. Get out of the fucking way.

See? Easy peazy. We DO have some talented players. And the line is actually playing OK. The D line is fair. The DBs are pretty good. The biggest lacks are at QB, pass rusher, and WR. No explosive players and no consistent pass rush. One good draft would set the team on a decent path.

But the front office is the biggest impediment.

Hope you all have a happy whatever. And I hope the Yorks get 5 tons of coal dumped on their cabana. Cleveland is dong their part in winning vs the San Dawgs, so we very well could be the recipients of one Myles Garrett, the outstanding OLB from Texas A&M.

QBs? If Deshaun Watson falls to the 2nd, I’d take him. Other than that? No idea.

We need to do our part and lose today. On the road I don;t like our chances . . . so jared Goff has a career day is a pro.

Ba da da da . . . Cue Axel Izzy and Slash.

Of all the refuting, re-refuting, and un-re-refuting regarding Dr. Dorklove, the power structure, the changing of the guard and the 49ers train-wreck-into-a-sinkhole-to-the-center-of-the-exploding-earth-as-the-sun-dies-and-the-galaxy-collapses-back-on-itself season winds down, I think Steve Young said it best when he put forth the proposition that you cannot petition the Lord with prayer, petition the Lord with prayer, petition the Lord with prayer. YOU CANNOT PETI . . . Uh, wait. Different situation.   Sorry Mr. Mojo. Yes, take ’em to the parking lot.

Anyhoo, Steve said the following:

“So no matter what we decide to do here, and my opinion is when you’re 1-12 or 1-13 or if we end up 1-15, to me by definition, everybody out to the parking lot. Every living thing out to the parking lot. And nobody gets back in unless you can prove you’re part of the solution. I mean everybody. That’s a tough thing to do because you might have to start over in all kinds of ways.”

I really wish “we” in this case meant him, but it’s the editorial we. As in “we” used to be a Super Bowl caliber team. “We” as fans enjoyed the tumultuous ride through disappointment and ecstacy as we were a relevant team from roughly 1980 (the cusp) to 1999 (when Lawrence Philips missed his assignment). 20 years of excellence. Steve also rips into York toadie Trent Dildo for placing the sole blame of the team’s failure at the feet of Chip Kelly. I totally agree with this as the talent exodus has been obvious and detailed since he took over in 2011. He gets 0 credit for 2010. That was the once-and-still great Scott McLoghan. Not sure why he gets itchy feet so often, but he’s on his 3rd team since 2010 and has done well at every stop.

Here’s the article. It mainly says that the Yorks give no fucks about winning.

Steve Young says Yorks concerned with money not winning; scoffs at Dilfer

Wish “we” could run the team. Steve and Brent Jones. The rest would follow. I’d sell the fucking erector set stadium to Prince Valiant and revisit Hunter’s Point.

Reports are flying around about the disappointment in the CEO of the 49ers, one Sir Jed Hides-a-lot, is getting his once-shiny, and now mangled and tattered, toy taken away from him. Jason La Canfora, and now Ted Robinson, have come out and stated that Jed will be de-frocked a la Game of Thrones, and lose his title of CEO as the team hires a real live football guy to take over.

No insight here other than it only took Dr. Kedorkian 7 years to take unadulterated shit flung at him by an angry fan base to move his fledgling stooge into his spot as lead crap-catcher. Well, 9 years of varying levels of a short amount of success followed by a dismantling of any and all talent and a revolving door coaching staff has led to 1-12.

Hmm. Maybe it’s time to hire people that now and understand the game. Not projectionists and contract massagers. The talk is our once and future OC, Kinda Milquetoast Mad Mike Shananahan will come on as Exec of football ops, and his son Krazy Kyle will fill the GM role or some shit.

Can’t say I’m enamored with the prospect, but Jesus Christ, this would be worlds better than the shitshow we are currently participating in . . .

Stay tuned . . .

In more mangled lyrics (and logic), we have this. The 49ers are spending some of the mountains of cash they are sitting on to sign Vance McDonald to a 5 year, $35 million extension.

“Vance has shown consistent growth throughout his four-year career and his production this season is the result of his dedication and hard work,” 49ers general manager Trent Baalke said in a statement. “We believe he has only scratched the surface of what he will be able to accomplish in his career.”

Really? If that is the bar to cross to get an extension, then CK deserves an extension. As does Torrey Smith. Funny? Sure. But this is ludicrous. Funnier still is that there was someone who said he’d put up the numbers he has now in his illustrious 4 year career, except that he would do it in year one. I said it would take 4, but whatever. I guess we can thank that someone for being the mastermind behind the 49ers decisions these days. BakkenBuwwittBaalke anyone?!?

Other than that, I’m pretty baffled why anyone on this team short of the just hurt Joe Staley and his sore hammy would even get a passing thought at getting en extension. VMcD only drops about 25% of the passes thrown his way. Sure, that may be better than the 40% he dropped earlier in his career, but he was a ball-dropper in college. I guess Baalke has to further the career of a few of his draft picks before he himself is jettisoned. Or what? Should we extend Torrey Smith for being a mirage? Oh, that’s right. They extended Quinton Dial and Tank Carradine. You know, the guys spearheading our 32nd ranked defense.

Wow. In a display of ineptitude that brings to mind the singing quarterback Scott Bull and the 2-14 year of 1978, this team played like they know they suck hard and have nothing left to do. Sure it was snowing and the weather was bad, but that didn’t stop Chicago from trying. Neither team completed a pass till the 2 min warning. Of course we had the ball for 20 of the first 30 mins and still managed to fall behind 7-6 because Shaun Draughns blocked a punt and Rashard Robinson stepped OB and celebrated too much. when we went down 1 point at the half my thought was it is a hill too far.

Of course they got 19 and we got 0. ZZZZzzzzzzzzz…………..

Kappy was a stellar 1-5 for 4 yards and 6 sacks. So he threw for a net -29 yards.

Gabby took the yoke of backup off and went off in an incendiary performance and was 4-10 and 35 yards. Well, compared to Kappy.

Not much to say. Not much to hope for. Baalke is still here. Jed is still pussing out by remaining silent, and the team might as well forfeit the rest of their games. They have given up.

The latest slasher pic coming to a theater near you . . .

And bleeding is exactly what the fans are doing these days. As the Niners play out the string of another lost season, the ownership group hides in the cozy confines of 4949 Centennial Blvd, Santa Clara, CA safe in the knowledge that they built a stadium at the cost of the team that is supposed to fill it up. Jed hasn’t said or released anything publicly since September 8th when he, at the behest of Colin Kaepernick, donated $1 million to the Silicon Valley Community Foundation.

Yay. Good job, Jed. Since then however, your team has lost 10 games in a row, and there is deafening silence coming from the front office. The last time he spoke, near as I can tell, was before training camp broke on August 1st. Through the slide into oblivion we get nothing. The tiny bits of light are swallowed whole by mounting losses and growing uncertainty.

I’m sure Chip Kelly feels good as he either collects a paycheck alongside the rail with Jimmy T, or gets another shot with a team full of 2nd stringers. A no-lose situation despite all the losses. As bad as the team has looked, it’s kinda hard to pin this on him as there has been nothing of substance added to the team for 5 drafts. Say what you will about the coaching changes, the biggest problem is the fact that Trent Baalke is batting .096 in his last 5 drafts. He needs to go. Period.

If Jed has any balls, he’ll hire a GM and give him carte blanche to build the team from the GM down. Impose restrictions on what the Gm can do and you lose any decent candidate. Chip would be on the block, but not necessarily. Jed has to make a choice and sit back. Not diddle around and push pieces around the checker board.