From IrishKevin. It’s from week 5 of the season, but it’s funny as hell . . .
Well, here we are in weekend two-o of the playoffs. Most everyone went with the home teams last week, and were rewarded with 3-1 records.The big boys are coming to the plate, so this should be a very interesting set of games. I haven’t really thought about any of these games short of the Niners/Packers, and to say that I’d be surprised to see Atlanta win, but . . .
Seattle wins a closer-than-expected battle 24-20.
The AFC has the oh-so-close-but-not-quite Baltimore Ravens vs the Manning-led (not a dry seat in Dennis’ house) Denver Broncos. Normally I’d think that Baltimore’s defense would win the day, but Manning has been on fire since October. After starting 2-3, Denver has won 11 in a row, including a 34-17 crushing of those same Ravens. They look pretty strong, but can they take the Ravens now that crappy dancer is back? Looks to be a tough game, but Balt isn’t young anymore, and Flacco is, well, Flacco. Never consistent enough. Denver’s defense is better than Balt’s offense, so they go nowhere. Give this one to the Broncos, 28-10.
New England and the Houstons? Houston is a smoke-and-mirrors team. They played an easy schedule, and the tough teams they played: NE, Indy, GB, and Minn, they lost. They did beat Cincy, but shouldn’t have. Ponder missed on too many wide open opportunities, and couldn’t cash in to AJ Green despite many chances. New England wins big. 38-13.
To recap:
SF 34 – GB 17
Sea 24 – Atl 20
Den 28 – Balt 10
NE 38 – Hou 13
Forty Niners Forever 
SF 31, GB 27
NE 38, Houston 17
Den 27, Balt 17
Seattle 34 Atl 24
Atlanta has to win.
Ok Snarkk with scores even. Get to this in a bit.
But one more Harbaughism before the prognosticatin’ proceeds:
“Q: Did Akers’ playoff experience factor into your decision?”
HARBAUGH: “Can’t possibly….I feel like we have plowed that ground as thoroughly as it can possibly be plowed.”
Translation’: “So shut up already” ! Lol, Harbaugh…
Nice post. Prognosticators we got: Niners Divisional Playoff Game VS Packers. Our peerless pigskin proctologists predict VS the Cheeseheads: Who you gonna call?
Chuck: 34-14 Niners. Dennis is pissing his pants already regarding Green Bay. This one should be better than the last one. 34 -17 or some shit like that. Rodgers is the easiest guy to face of the QBs left in the playoffs not named Matt Ryan. He won;t be able to throw under the constant pressure.
Grumpy Guy: 49ers 27, Packers 24. Nail biter time. Question is, can we get that pressure this time with Justin at less than 100%? Aldon looked very ordinary with Justin on the sideline. We’re rested… ready? We’ll see. We looked horrible following the bye this year. I think we win, but I’m far from convinced it will be easy.
barleyfreak: 38-34, Niners. I keep reading that we need ball control to keep Rodgers off the field to win this Sat. That sounds well and good, but my gut tells me that we won’t keep him off the field. In fact, unless Justin Smith has miraculously healed, I see us getting abused by Rodgers and his WR corps. This is not the same team we faced in week one. But I still think we win. The key is David Akers. Just seeing if you’re paying attention. The key is Kaep. Despite those saying that we can’t win a shootout with Aaron Rodgers, I think that is going to be the only way we DO win. We’re going to have to score points because I think our D is vulnerable right now. But I think we will. 38-34, Niners.
Nipper: Niners win big time.
Phil: 31-24 Niners. I’m with you Nip. Niners win big: pressure Rodgers with disguised blitzes, heavy dose of Gore and James, hurry up offense and downfield passing couple times a quarter, run out of the option. GB has only seen two (2) option plays all season! No fuck ups on STs. Del Mar’s gonna have a lot of company wetting his pants with the freakin’ Pack coming to da Stick next Saturday…
Leo the Great: 35-21 GB. Got a real bad feeling about the 49ers. A reduced Justin Smith, no Manningham, kicking game mess, …thought it was funny to hear Bowman say they got the defense squared away against AZ…HAHA…facing that chump QB? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS> GB 35 SF 21
Irish Kevin: 17-13 Niners. I hope to god that Harbaugh watched that game (the BCS Championship) and took pointers from Alabama!! Throw your opponent on the ground and keep them there!! If the Niners try to score only when needed this is going to be a long game. Niners 17 – GB 13. I just don’t see Harbaugh taking chances with throwing the ball down the field.
Spitblood: 42-6 Niners. What happened the previous bye? That’s right. Ultimate Saints domination. And that’s what I’m projecting now…… Niners 42, Packers 6. No joke. We’re gonna crush ‘em. All the turnovers our D creates won’t be squandered by Alice Smith, AND the New England game taught Kaep about putting good teams away
Flavor: 26-16 Niners. I’ve got no qualms about talking some shit on my favorite Niner blog. I’ll say the Niners win 26-16…. Smith’s likely underwhelming contribution to this game is a fantastic reason to take GB on the $ line. But I won’t be doing that because only the fakest of fake Niner fans would predict a loss for their team in a playoff game……..
shaman138: 35-28 Niners. I see this one being virtually identical to last year’s Saints game, where SF gets ahead early and shuts down Rodgers, but Rodgers is dynamic enough to stay in the game and make it a shoot-out. Kap & Co. will be able to score on Green Bay’s half-assed defense and I think they’ll be able to pull away with the game in the 4th quarter. I’m calling SF over GB 35-28.
Winder: 41-34 Niners. Our DB’s are gonna have to play their best game this week GB has 3 top WR’s that all catch balls in the middle. It will probably be the most active Willis and Bowman have been in a while. We HAVE to figure a way to get to Rodgers. I think we should run a no huddle offense for the most part and KEEP all penalties to a minimum(hear that db’s and ol-men) 41 – 34 Niners
phil: Playoff prognosticatin’ a’plenty. If not now then when?
Ahhh, didn’t know that J Smith’s detatched tendon came off a bone spur. Had that happen in my ankle when I was around 22. There was a lump the size of a nickel above my ankle bone where the tendon rolled up. My ankle regained its normal functioning within a month, and I had that lump for 14 years. It eventually faded to barely nothing.
And Smith is still limited in practice but is on schedule to go . . .
Leo the Great outed himself as Z the other day so I suspect he won’t be back. I wonder about Touchdown Tommy as well . . .
What is there to wonder about Toto?
nothing!
RTF? Who knows?
Twin has already let his feelings be known to me.
Would you care to expound on those feelings? Is Twin no longer posting here because he’s butt hurt that Alex is no longer starting? Is it because of Spit’s eblouissante personality? Something I said?
And what’s with all the pee jokes? Did you buy stock in Depends? The only thing I’ll be pissing down is Jimbo’s throat if Akers misses the GW kick.
Is Twin done or on hiatus?
He did the same thing last year- disappeared, but this seems more final.
Quoth Phil “We got him surrounded Kimo Sabe”
That’s a pity Phil, I didn’t agree with him too much but enjoyed reading his stuff all the same.
Niners 41-34
Denver 34-10
Seattle 24-23
NE 34 -17
Well done on the alliteration.
Hard to imagine DEN or NE not winning, it’s the SEA game that is hardest for me to pick. And our game that’s hardest to step outside the fan and pick. Nevertheless, and cutting through the potpourri of preposterous propaganda:
DEN
GB
SEA
NE
As for the score of our game competition: GB 24-20
I’d love to be wrong and we end up stomping on the Packers but just don’t see it with Justin Smith proving the better player on the d-line with half an arm inside. That means he must punch with his right arm and control with his left. Think they don’t know that? Funny that no one is crying about Justin being put in danger of further damage to his arm. Especially those screaming about Shanahan and RG3.
Different situations, skippy. Plus, Fangio is already saying if he sees any slippage in play, Smith’s out, as opposed to Shanny driving RG III into the ground. As it is, RGIII looks to miss at le4ast 1.3 of next season. And Justin’s near the end of the string anyway .If it was Kappy, I’d be a little more vociferous in protecting him.
Harbaugh announced this afternoon that Akers will be the kicker. Cundiff will be on roster, inactive. Anybody that can explain what the hell happened with this, and why this is all better now, or not, please do…
Um, Cundiff sucks? I’m cool with the decision, the easy one would have been to go with Cundiff–less blame on JH if he shits himself.
So either Cundiff is terrible (and based off Lynch’s observations that’s not the case) or JH has turned into Capt Queeg and is ready to take this ship DOWN!
We’ll see on Saturday night….
I’m watching the Niners/Packers Week 1 replay on the NFL Network. It’s funny seeing Bobby Boucher at QB for the 49ers.
“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”
Ok, ok, mr 0-4 is checking in. I made sure I re-focused for this thread, I was a joke last week. And I’m owning that shit.
So I did 5 or 6 deep knee bends and I beat off pretty voraciously and I can now safely say that I am ready to release my “picks ‘o da week”. Bet against at your own peril….
Baltimore beats Denver, mostly because I’ve hated them since college. And their QB is a bit of a thorn in my side too. Dennis, still waiting on you to send me a valid address to send you your “winnings”. Wish your flailing liver good luck. 27-26 Baltimore wins.
NE beats Houston because Houston’s defense can literally choke on my massive pole,, for hours. Their D ruined me in one of my fantasy leagues. Plus, I’m against the death penalty, at least until they kill those fucks after 1 appeal. . NE wins big 42-14.
Atlanta is going to beat Seattle. I could sketch it out for you but my interest is low on that task. Atlanta 31-21
And for the pick everyone’s been waiting for, niners over the pack. Since I’m going 3 for 3 up to this point I’ve got no problem “homering” this one: SF 34 GB 16.
“Make it so, Number One”….
Be honest. You’re picking Baltimore to win just for spite (like Seinfeld returning that jacket) so you can stick it to me that Peyton Manning lost. I like it. As for your other three picks, as Curly said in “Disorder in the Court,” “No objections. [snaps fingers] Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.”
Just watched Akers connect on an NFL record-tying 63 yd. FG to end the half at GB.
What the fuck happened?
And if it weren’t for Bobby Boucher throwing the ball OB to the right (when he had an open receiver) on both 2nd and 3rd down, Akers would never have been given the chance to tie the record. Alex Smith comes through once again…
Denver
New England
Niners (big over the Packers)
Seattle
SF 27 – GB 24
Sea 35 – Atl 19
Den 34 – Balt 24
NE 27 – Hou 10
Just because I haven’t posted it on any blog in over a month…
Did we sign Peyton Manning yet?
I feel better now. And I’m sure the rest of you do not. Mission accomplished.
Any of you mooks lucky enough to be going to the game? If so, have a great time, and for the love of Christ, don’t be a jinx!
I was all set to call Billy Cundiff as our POTG for Saturday. Whoops. Now I’m in a bind. My next inclination is Crabtree, but he’s a little obvious. But he and Kap sure do have a nice rapport. How bout my favorite draft choice this year? Yep. I loved the LMJ pick. Hated the A.J. Jenkins selection. The record shows. I watch my college football. I’ll call LMJ on offense, and A. Brooks on D. Expecting a big game out of our left-side end rusher. The Packers’ RT is straight off the street. I think he was the Grease Monkey for the cars Jujuan Harris was trying to peddle. At LEAST 1 1/2 sacks Saturday for A. Brooks. Book it!
Yeah, I think Brooks is gonna have a big game as well. Still waiting to see LMJ get some screen action. He’s fantastic in open spaces.
I think you can call this going out on a small limb, but I’ll say LMJ has more TOTAL yds. rushing and receiving than Gore. Not exactly sure where the big gainer will come from, but I’m calling for a 49+ yd run OR pass reception from James.
Book it, Dano! I feel it in my bones. Just like Paulie did when it came to Starry “Fucking” Hope in “The Pope of Greenwich Village.”
Everyone’s looking forward to the 49ers / Packers game, but I think the Falcons / Seattle game will be the best game of the week. The 49ers are going to dominate the Packers. You’ll be changing the channel by halftime – watching Girls Gone Wild because your wife, girlfriend or pet reptile can’t watch games with you because you yell and scream at the TV and call Harbaugh an idiot, but she loves you so you get to watch 49er games live (not DVR’d), and you’ll take advantage of the situation and get in an ultra spank. Mark my words. But the game you’ll want to watch is the Seattle / Falcons game. Seattle has nothing to lose, and the Falcons have everything to lose…. so in a way, the Falcons already have their back to the wall, and a cornered Falcon is absolutely terrifying when they fly away. (I’ll be doing jokes here all week…. if you’re lucky). Mike will play tight, Pete will play loose and the game will come down to the end with Mike once again walking away from the playoffs with shmegg on his face.
Denver and New England? Please. In the battle of geriatrics, Peyton will best Ray. We already know that. I wonder if Peyton will give Ray a hug? If Peyton does give Ray a hug, Peyton will lose votes when he runs for Senator or President. His campaign strategists are already telling Peyton hugging Ray Lewis after the game will only be good if by the time Peyton runs for orfice the US is letting inmates vote. New England will clobber Houston….. again. I was watching ESPN and they were talking about the Gronk / Glover Quinn matchup. Glover? If I was a dominant receiver lined up against Glover, I would beat Glover like a rented Ford Taurus just on principle. But I’m interested in seeing if Gronk has any rust. Glover is four feet tall. Gronk is a monster. Only way Glover beats Gronk is if Gronk stays out late the night before doing the YMCA with Del until the early morning hours. Gronk, Welker, Brady and Lloyd dominate the Texans.
If I win the comcast contest I’m going.