Since I haven’t been paying much attention to the draft, I haven’t had the unfortunate disappointment of seeing Mel Kiper Jr’s disgustingly smug face disgracing my big screen TV. Then again, maybe they didn’t dig him up from his coffin of mothballs to pontificate on the idiot GMs of the day next weekend. But you have to give it to the Not-So-Odd couple of ESPN and the NFL to conjure up what used to be a back-room-of-the-Hilton three-hour mundane conference into the orgasmic shit-show of babbling inanity that is the NFL Draft. Nowadays, there are no less than 6,000,000,000 mock drafts out there, and all of them are wrong. In fact, you get past 4 picks, and all those 6,000,000,000 are still wrong. How one can profess to even bother with who Cleveland will pick with the 273rd pick is baffling to me. In the last 10 years I got Antawn Balmer right (and a signed Alex Smith jersey), and I correctly guessed Kappy in the 2011 draft. I think I’m ahead of 5,999,999,999 prognosticators out there. But that is neither her nor there. This is about the draft, not my picking acumen. Although I should at least be getting Kiper money for this.
Anyhow, the marketing frenzy that is the draft has left its’ home of the Big Assho, uh, Apple to be held in its new home of Sweet home Chicago. The latest craze with it is to be bestowed the God-like status of hosting the thing. Much like the Super Bowl, the city hosting gets the full-throttle corporate overload of crass consumerism and utter bullshit crammed down their gaping maws. Having just walked through Super Bowl city not too long ago it was the usual overpriced crap, multiple vendors selling overpriced food (in a city where you can good cheap food nearly anywhere), and cushy environs to enjoy the frenzy from a safe distance behind moneyed entrances. Didn’t bother with the pay-per-orgy side (the SOMA part) of the thing so I don’t know what I missed short of the shit I saw on TV.
But I digress. The point being, uh, I don’ know. This is a clusterfuck of the usual corporate glad-handing to the rich sponsors and their minions to support a world of disillusionment. Blah blah blah. BUT! It is paramount for the 49ers to have a very strong draft if they are to make anything out of this season. New coaching staff and new expectations be damned, this team has hemorrhaged a ton of talent since the 2014 season of disappointment. Trent Baalke has overseen a team with few holes to now a swiss-cheese like roster. All in 3 short years. Take a look at the drafts alongside this blog. They go back to Scotty’s last stand, 2010. The list of busts is long and varied, with a few late-round surprises sprinkled in.
And speaking of disillusionment, the good news is Trent Baalke has 12 draft picks at his disposal this draft. The bad news? Wait for it. Trent Baalke has 12 draft picks to waste this draft. He went on record (!) to say that the Niners take a ‘draft and develop’ approach to the draft. As opposed to a ‘draft players that can actually play’ approach. to me it sounds like ‘draft unknown guys who either won’t make the cut when their rookie deals come due’, or ‘draft damaged goods that don’t set foot on the field for 3 years’. Or ever.