The Motherloving Draft

Since I haven’t been paying much attention to the draft, I haven’t had the unfortunate disappointment of seeing Mel Kiper Jr’s disgustingly smug face disgracing my big screen TV. Then again, maybe they didn’t dig him up from his coffin of mothballs to pontificate on the idiot  GMs of the day next weekend. But you have to give it to the Not-So-Odd couple of ESPN and the NFL to conjure up what used to be a back-room-of-the-Hilton three-hour mundane conference into the orgasmic shit-show of babbling inanity that is the NFL Draft. Nowadays, there are no less than 6,000,000,000 mock drafts out there, and all of them are wrong. In fact, you get past 4 picks, and all those 6,000,000,000 are still wrong. How one can profess to even bother with who Cleveland will pick with the 273rd pick is baffling to me. In the last 10 years I got Antawn Balmer right (and a signed Alex Smith jersey), and I correctly guessed Kappy in the 2011 draft. I think I’m ahead of 5,999,999,999 prognosticators out there. But that is neither her nor there. This is about the draft, not my picking acumen. Although I should at least be getting Kiper money for this.

Anyhow, the marketing frenzy that is the draft has left its’ home of the Big Assho, uh, Apple to be held in its new home of Sweet home Chicago. The latest craze with it is to be bestowed the God-like status of hosting the thing. Much like the Super Bowl, the city hosting gets the full-throttle corporate overload of crass consumerism and utter bullshit crammed down their gaping maws. Having just walked through Super Bowl city not too long ago it was the usual overpriced crap, multiple vendors selling overpriced food (in a city where you can good cheap food nearly anywhere), and cushy environs to enjoy the frenzy from a safe distance behind moneyed entrances. Didn’t bother with the pay-per-orgy side (the SOMA part) of the thing so I don’t know what I missed short of the shit I saw on TV.

But I digress. The point being, uh, I don’ know. This is a clusterfuck of the usual corporate glad-handing to the rich sponsors and their minions to support a world of disillusionment. Blah blah blah. BUT! It is paramount for the 49ers to have a very strong draft if they are to make anything out of this season. New coaching staff and new expectations be damned, this team has hemorrhaged a ton of talent since the 2014 season of disappointment. Trent Baalke has overseen a team with few holes to now a swiss-cheese like roster. All in 3 short years. Take a look at the drafts alongside this blog. They go back to Scotty’s last stand, 2010. The list of busts is long and varied, with a few late-round surprises sprinkled in.

And speaking of disillusionment, the good news is Trent Baalke has 12 draft picks at his disposal this draft. The bad news? Wait for it. Trent Baalke has 12 draft picks to waste this draft. He went on record (!) to say that the Niners take a ‘draft and develop’ approach to the draft. As opposed to a ‘draft players that can actually play’ approach. to me it sounds like ‘draft unknown guys who either won’t make the cut when their rookie deals come due’, or ‘draft damaged goods that don’t set foot on the field for 3 years’. Or ever.


About unca_chuck

Lifelong SF 49ers, SF Giants, and Golden State Warriors fan
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56 Responses to The Motherloving Draft

  1. unca_chuck says:

    Just heard that Curry has a grade 1 knee strain. Which is the least damaging. Maybe the Clippers series gets dragged out, he’ll only miss one game.

  2. Winder says:

    speaking of mothers

  3. rtfirefly says:

    Grade 1 MCL sprain, to be re-evaluated in two weeks…

    BTW, Chuck, Herb Caen’s ghost will haunt me if I don’t point this out: there is no such word in the English language as “its”” (paragraph 2, sentence 1). The word you were looking for is “its” (no apostrophe), a possessive pronoun.

    Possessive pronouns are “my”, “your”, “his”, “her”, “its”, “our”, “your”, and “their”. You’re welcome!

  4. rob says:

    I knew we’d never hear the end of that Kentwan fucking Balmer thing Chuck.

  5. rtfirefly says:

    OMG we’re soooooo screwed. I can only hope he’s pre-draft Walshing.

  6. Nipper says:

    Sniff……BOO HOO…….

  7. unca_chuck says:

    Hah, Rob! I need to post a pic of it here.

    The line was getting incrementally better last year, but not enough to be a good or even fair unit. With Boone gone, it isn’t better. AD is still likely AWOL or traded, so how can this be looked at as anything but an area that needs improvement?

    Baalke is blowing smoke up his own ass yet again, and Jed is clapping and lapping intently.

    • Winder says:

      yeah chuck, it’s amazing how all this crap just keeps coming. Baalky is definitely on a different plane of consciousness than the average human.

  8. unca_chuck says:

    Yeah, I don’t know what to think. Happy to get it over with?

  9. rtfirefly says:

    Chris Paul broke his hand in tonight’s Clippers-Blazers game, which the Blazers lead by 12 in the 4th at the moment which would tie the series 2-2. This is important because the Warriors play the winner (if they can close out the Rockets without Steph).

    The Blazers whipped the Warriors thoroughly in Portland a while back. That game and the Celtics loss at home changed the way teams defense the Warriors. All teams that have the personnel copied the Blazers and Celts. The change was dramatic.

    The Blazers would be a tough matchup. OTOH, the Clippers are the team that knocked the Warriors out of the playoffs two years ago.

    Playing a crippled Clippers team, especially if the Blazers-Clippers series goes six or seven (to give Steph time), would be best, but that series is wide, wide open now.

    Wow. Update. Blake Griffin just tweaked his surgical knee. The Clippers are a mess.

  10. unca_chuck says:

    I’d rather play the Clips. Even when healthy. They have less heart.

  11. unca_chuck says:

    Love that song, Winder. ,

  12. unca_chuck says:

    Tell ya one thing, since Myles Jack in an undersized LB coming off a knee injury, I”m sure we take him and he flops . . .

  13. unca_chuck says:

    Yeah that was Marcus Lattimore. I’m starting to think he drafts shitty to save money down the road.

    No other reason for last year’s draft. Baalke missed EVERY need the team had.

  14. Winder says:

    At the time I thought the Lattimore pick was great, until i saw pictures of the knee.

  15. rob says:

    My pre draft musing goes like this
    . Rd.1 Stanley
    Rd. 2 Ogbah.
    Any chance we get both ? I know Ogbah will probably go higher the rd.2 pick 7 but hey we do have ammo to trade up 5 spots or so …

  16. rob says:

    Dodd also posted 12.5 sacks last season. There is a debate among analysts over who will be the first Clemson pass-rusher taken in the draft between Dodd and teammate Shaq Lawson.

    Nassib led the nation last season with 15.5 sacks and six forced fumbles for the Nittany Lions.

    Calhoun is a three-time All-American for Michigan State and set a career high with 10.5 sacks in 2015

  17. unca_chuck says:

    From Anthony Davis:

    AD ‏@BamDavis_ 2m2 minutes ago
    The 49ers should Draft an Offensive Tackle in the top 10.

    What a tool. Fucker ‘retires’ AFTER last year’s draft. Now he’s whining about Baalke (well, I’ll give him that), And he still hasn’t applied for reinstatement.

    He doesn’t fit the agile quick mold that would seem to be Chip’s style anyway, so trade the fucker.

  18. rob says:

    We still have his rights and after this nobody should want him anyway.
    Fuck that.

  19. rtfirefly says:

    Four down, twelve to go… Yeah, I know it’s only the 3rd and the Rockets just cut the lead to 24 from 31. But, c’mon… The Blazers are winning in LA and can close out the Clippers series in Game 6 in Portland. GOOOOOOO CLIPPERSSSSS!!!!! Never thought I’d write THAT lol.

  20. NJ49er says:

    My work for another Draft is complete – Let’s see what Trent has in mind….
    (C) = Combine participant

    OLB –
    Leonard Floyd – UGA 6’6″/244 (C) 4.60 (Tkls 184/38)
    Joshua Perry – OH St 6’4″/254 (C) 4.68 (20 Reps) (Tkls 298/52)
    Jordan Jenkins – UGA 6’2″/250 (C) 4.80 (16 Reps) (Tkls 205/52)
    Montese Overton – ECU 6’2″/223 (ILB) (C) 4.61 (18 Reps) (Tkls 217/46)
    Stephen Weatherly – Vandy 6’5″/267 (C) 4.61 (23 Reps) (Tkls 120/36)
    James Cowser – So UT 6’3″/248 (DE) (C) 4.82 (21 Reps) (Tkls 291/48) (Sacks 42.5)

  21. NJ49er says:

    Emmanuel Ogbah – OK St 6’4″/275 (C) 4.63 (20 Reps) (Tkls 133/39) (Sacks 28)
    Charles Tapper – OK 6’3″/271 (C) 4.59 (23 Reps) (Tkls 138/44) (Sacks 15.5)
    Matt Judon – GVSU – 6’3″/275 (C) 4.73 (30 Reps) (Tkls 204/43) (Sacks 34)
    Kevin Dodd – Clemson 6’5″/277 (C) 4.86 (Tkls 83/39) (Sacks 12)
    Jonathan Bullard – UF 6’3″/285 (C) 4.93 (Tkls 178/50) (Sacks 12)
    Bronson Kaufusi – BYU 6’6″/285 (C) 4.87 (25 Reps) (Tkls 168/50) (Sacks 26.5)

  22. NJ49er says:

    Sheldon Rankins – Louisville 6’1″/303 (C) 5.03 (28 Reps)
    Jarran Reed – AL 6’3″/311 (C) 5.21
    Javon Hargrave – SC St 6’1″/309 (DE) (C) 4.93 (29 Reps)
    Kenny Clark – UCLA 6’2″/310 (C) 5.06 (29 Reps)
    Connor Wujciak – BC 6’2″/291 (C) 4.91 (22 Reps)

  23. NJ49er says:

    Vernon Butler – LA Tech 6’4″/325 (C) 5.33 (26 Reps)
    Andrew Billings – Baylor 6’1″/310 (C) 5.05 (31 Reps)
    Austin Johnson – PSU 6’4″/323 (C) 5.32 (25 Reps)
    DJ Reader – Clemson 6’3″/327 (C) 5.33 (30 Reps)
    Adolphus Washington – OH St 6’3″/301 (C) 5.17 (21 reps)

  24. NJ49er says:

    Ronnie Stanley – ND 6’6″/315 (C) 5.19
    Jason Spriggs – IN 6’6″/305 (C) 4.93 (31 Reps)
    Jack Conklin – MSU 6’5″/308 (C) 4.99 (25 Reps)
    Joe Haeg – ND St 6’5″/305 (C) 5.15
    Caleb Benenoch – UCLA 6’5″/311 (C) 4.97

    Connor McGovern – MO 6’4″/306 (C) 5.10 (33 Reps)
    Joe Dahl – WSU 6’4″/304 (OT) (C) 5.18 (28 Reps)
    Joe Thuney – NCSU 6’4″/304 (C) 4.94 (28 Reps)
    Germain Ifedi – TX A&M 6’5″/320 (OT) (C) 5.27 (24 Reps)
    Parker Ehinger – Cincy 6’6″/302 (OT) (C) 5.25

  25. NJ49er says:

    Christian Westerman – ASU 6’3″/298 (OG) 5.16 (34 Reps)
    Ryan Kelly – AL 6’4″/297 (C) 5.02 (26 Reps)
    Nick Martin – ND 6’4″/301 (C) 5.21 (28 Reps)
    Jack Allen – MSU -6’1″/294 5.28 (23 Reps)
    Graham Glasgow – UM 6’6″/303 (OG) *Suspension/DUI (C) 5.12 (23 Reps)

  26. NJ49er says:

    Chris Moore – Cinc 6’1″/206 (C) 4.53
    Josh Doctson – TCU 6’2″/195 (C) 4.50
    Tyler Boyd – Pitt 6’2″/200 (C) 4.58
    Mekale McKay – Cinc 6’5″/210 (4.55) (C) 4.55
    Keyarris Garrett – Tulsa 6’3″/220 (C) 4.53

    Slot WR – Z
    Kolby Listenbee – TCU 6’0″/197 4.35
    Corey Coleman – Baylor 5’10″/190 (C) 4.45
    Sterling Shepard – OK 5’10″/191 (C) 4.48
    Will Fuller – ND 6’0″/184 (C) 4.32
    Malcolm Mitchell – UGA 5’11″/198 (C) 4.45

  27. NJ49er says:

    Jerell Adams – SCAR 6’5″/244 (C) 4.64
    David Morgan – UTSA 6’4″/262 (C) 5.02
    Bryce Williams – ECU 6’6″/258 (C) 4.94
    Beau Sandland – MTSU 6’4″/ 253 (C) 4.74

  28. NJ49er says:

    Darron Lee – OH St 6’1″/232 (C) 4.47 (Tkls 147/30) (Sacks 12)
    Nick Vigil – UT St 6’2″/239 (C) 4.72 (Tkls 324/40) (Sacks 15.5)
    Nick Kwiatkoski – WVU 6’2″/245 (C) 4.73 (Tkls 303/48) (sacks 5.5)
    Luke Rhodes – W&M 6’2″/242 4.70 (Tkls 341/47) (Sacks 5.5)
    Dadi Nicolas – VA Tech 6’3″/235 (OLB) (C) 4.74 (Tkls 166/49) (Sacks 17.5)

  29. NJ49er says:

    Dak Prescott – MS State 6’2″/226 (C) (62.8% – 70 TDs)
    Paxton Lynch – Memphis 6’6″/244 (C) (62.9% – 59 TDs)
    Brandon Doughty – WKU 6’3″/213 (C) (68.6% – 62 TDs)
    Connor Cook – MI St (C) 6’4″/217 (C) (57.5% – 71 TDs)
    Vernon Adams – OR 5’11″/200 (C) (64.9% – 136 TDs)

  30. NJ49er says:

    Eric Murray – MN 5’11″/199 (C) 4.49 (Tkls 192/51)
    Maurice Canady – UVA 6’1″/193 (C) 4.49 (Tkls 148/44)
    Blake Countess – AUB 5’10″/185 4.55 (Tkls 185/51)
    Ryan Smith – NC Central 5’11″/189 (C) 4.47 (Tkls 262/45)
    Taveze Calhoun – MS St 6’0″/192 (C) 4.53 (Tkls 161/50)

  31. NJ49er says:

    Sean Davis – MD 6’1″/201 (SS/CB) (C) 4.46 (Tkls 318/50)
    TJ Green – Clemson 6’3″/209 (C) 4.33 (Tkls 118/38)
    James Bradberry – Samford 6’1″/213 (CB) (C) 4.46 (Tkls 129/47)
    Deandre Houston-Carson W&M 6’2″/195 (CB) (C) 4.53 (Tkls 293/45)
    Kavon Frazier – Central MI 6’0″/218 (C) 4.55 (Tkls 269/51)

    Justin Simmons – BC 6’2″/202 (FS) (C) 4.61 (Tkls 229/50)
    Tyvis Powell – OSU 6’2″/211 (C) 4.46 (Tkls 195/42)
    Miles Killebrew – So UT 6’2″/219 (C) (Tkls 356/48)
    KJ Dillon – WVU 6’1″/203 (C) 4.53 (Tkls 165/48)
    Jeremy Cash – Duke 6’2″/210 (C) 4.55 (Tkls 336/44)

  32. NJ49er says:

    Alex Collins – AR 5’11″/215 (C) 4.59
    Paul Perkins – UCLA 5’11″/210 (C) 4.54
    Kenyan Drake – AL 6’0″/210 (C) 4.45 (KR)
    Tyler Ervin – SJSU 5’10″/192 (C) 4.47
    Daniel Lasco – CAL 6’0″/209 (C) 4.46

  33. NJ49er says:

    Jaylon Smith – ND 6’3″/240 (ILB) (C)
    Travis Feeney – Wash 6’3″/ 230 (OLB/ILB) (C) (Shoulder) (Tkls 247) 4.50
    Noah Spence – EKU 6’3″/261 (DE) (C) (Drugs)
    Robert Nkemdiche – Ole Miss 6’4″/296 (DT) (C) (Off Field)
    Leonte Carroo – Rutgers 6’0″/217 (WR) (C) 4.50 (Off Field)
    Tyler Johnstone – OR 6’6″/295 (OT) ACL (C) 5.21 (24 Reps)
    Alex Lewis – NE 6’6″/312 (OT) (C) 5.22 (Off Field Issues/Assault) (27 Reps)
    Karl Joseph – WVU 5’11″/197 (SS) (C) (ACL)

    Morgan Burns – KSt (CB) 5’11″/201 (4.35)
    Malcolm Mitchell – UGA 5’11″/194 (KR) (C)

  34. rob says:

    Well it’s draft day. Let’s see what the niners get me for my birthday !
    Boss, Buckner ,Lawson or Stanley please !!!

  35. 12th man says:

    Why all the gloom (Rob excepted)?
    Draft day and almost certainly taking a starter with the first pick, sounds good to me.
    Everything has changed from last year so why choose the half empty glass?
    Trent is on the hot seat so let’s see if heat and pressure really does make diamonds. He dI’d well last time we picked at 7.
    It’s like that “other blog” around here lately.

  36. NJ49er says:

    Happy Birthday Rob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    No Bosa
    He parties too much

  37. rob says:

    OK 12th and all. Why not be a little excited. I have a four man wish list. Two QB’s and Tunsil will be gone before we pick. That only leaves three teams ahead of us so one of my favorites will be there !!!

  38. rob says:

    Now we do have spot seven and the most picks of any team in this draft.
    Also tons of cap space to fill holes post draft when final and surprise cuts come down !!!
    Not to mention a top dollar innovative head coach !

  39. unca_chuck says:

    NJ, there are curious guys left off, including Jack, Hargreaves, and Stanley.

    I’m hoping for Stanley at this point. I think I
    ‘ll copy your thread over to the new one I just wrote.

    And Happy Birthday ROB! Just hit the double nickel myself on Monday.

  40. rob says:

    We traded up to 28 got Joshua Garnett from Stanford.

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