What? No Arrests?

I mean in the past 3 days. The only recent news is Kilgore Trout was cleared of his drunkin’ public deal. Other than that? Just waiting for the draft. Jason Verritt appears to be the popular pick in the mockumentaries out there. Plus my son thinks we should go with him.  Hey, he’s fast, explosive and athletic. I’d still go with Beckham given the shot. Since these never go how I ever imagine they will, except for 2008,  I wonder. The thing is, there are a lot of great players that could slip down to 30, from NT Louis Nix to Beckham to to CB Dennard to any number of other guys.

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And the Beat Goes On . . .

No, no. Not posting any Sonny and Cher here, but, Jesus Christ on a bicycle, what in the wide wide world of sports is going on here? 49ers are getting arrested at the rate of once a week these days. Are these you father’s Cincinnati Bengals? Or maybe your father’s Jail Blazers? Your brother’s Seahawks? Well, we had 2 ‘suspicious’es last week. Not quite an arrest, but an investigation. Culliver? Yeah. Anyhow, Aldon Smith is again under the microscope for uttering those verboten word in an airport, ‘la bomba!’

He was promptly detained by LAPD and posted his $20,000 bail. He now has a very busy schedule keeping all these court dates straightened out on his calendar. If it’s Tuesday, it must be the weapons charge case. Or is it the DUI? Uh, reckless endangerment? Now all the hooraw will swirl around the type of team this is. Why are they drafting all these criminals? Well, as good a question as that may be, no one so far as I can tell can see into the future to determine the future actions of any of these draft choices. I mean, Rae Carruth was a troubled guy, but I don’t think anyone saw him trying to kill his pregnant girlfriend when he was drafted. Aaron Hernandez may have had a checkered past, as do a lot of these players, but rarely does it get to the point of mayhem. DUI, aggro assault, or otherwise.

But where does the blame lie? Who knows? Is Aldon going to get preferential treatment by the team because he’s such a talented player? Did he already get it last year? You can say the Niners were trying to help the guy out. Or they merely put him out there and said ‘kill kill kill!’ 2 days after his DUI arrest. Even Aldon seemed to be doing well after his stint in rehab. But therein lies the problem. These guys are grown-ass men. They have personal lives outside the game. They are people like you and me (if you happen to be 6’3″ 275, and faster than a f*cking gazelle). They get into normal human trouble. Alarmingly so, at times.  Plus, you know Seahwak fans are already roasting Harbaugh over last year’s comments regarding the Seahawks and all their drug/PED-rel;ated issues these past couple years. My thought has always been, let sleeping dogs lie. No reason to stir the shit unabated. That shit usually comes back to bite you squarely in the ass. Little breezy in the khakis all of a sufdden, Jimbo?

Should they merely cut Smith and let him fend for himself? Doubtful given the money they’ve already invested in him. And the talent he carries around with him. But it sure makes the contract negotiation parameters a little better for SF here. Lost in this arrest was the fact that there was no test done for alcohol. This is something the 49ers would like to know, but now that isn’t going to happen. The LAPD said he was drunk earlier but it wasn’t an issue at the time of arrest. Unfortunately they didn’t specify a time frame. How’s that for prognosticating? They could have been referring to him drinking 6 months ago. Smith was acting hung over? Or was Smith just pissed off at the TSA for being weenies? WTF does that even mean? Yet another tid-bit fo squirrely info to file away for the upcoming back-and-forth.

As usual, the instant news cycle gives us the news before the squad cars even leave the airport. I mean really, TMZ has people that just hang out at the airport waiting for shit to happen.  Surprise, surprise, it did. Within 15 minutes of his arrest, the video was posted of him being led away in cuffs. At some point in our self-saturated lives, everyone will walk around with GoPros strapped to their heads. All thewnews will soon be coming from live feeds from witnesses (and victims). And even perps.

Let the spin cycle begin. Again. And so it goes, Tralfamadorians . . .

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He Said, She Said . . . Nothing, Really

Well, TMZ comes across looking stupid in the Kappy affair. But do they care? No. They are merely a tool for generating buzz around the flimsiest of stories and generating hits on their web site.

Me? I wouldn’t stoop so low. Anyhow, the more that comes out about this, the less there is to the story. The girl said nothing happened. It appears that she got too high, and one of the 3, or any combination of them, took her to the hospital because they were worried about her. So, she naturally filed a police report 4 days later. Maybe she got mad that they didn’t stick around til she slept it off.

Since nothing happened, the hospital released her without any apparent injuries to report, and she herself admitted that Kaepernick didn’t bang her, what are the charges going to be? They let her party too much?

Granted, there are some question marks to deal with. How did she get to the hospital? Who signed her in? Any other drugs involved? Whatever. As it is, there are no charges filed, and no reason to expect anything to change. In the good old days, players could already be hanging out at team HQ lifting weights, shooting the shit, and trying to stay out of trouble. As it is now, teams can have no contact with players, and the facilities are off limits til later this month. So they are left alone to their own devices for too long?

The reason this seems fishy is these guys get drug-tested all the time (hello Brandon Browner), and pot isn’t something that gets out of the system quickly. It takes a month for a marijuana test to come back clean after smoking a joint. If these guys were doing bong rips, they’d certainly test positive for pot in the near future.

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Shit, NOW We Have Headlines

Careful what you ask for, eh? Erstwhile starting QB and local lightning rod Colin Kaepernick, along with teammate Quinton Patton, and ex-teammate Ricardo Lockette, have been implicated in  what’s being called ‘suspicious’ activity in Miami. Seriously, though, isn[‘t everything in Miami suspicious?

It apparently involved a little party they were having at Lockette’s apartment, and it involved drinking shots, and hitting the bong. The girl got light-headed and went to lay down. She says Colin undressed her and left her in there. She woke up in the hospital not knowing how she got there. She also said there was ‘no sexual activity’ even though they had a previous relationship. Sounds pretty tame for Miami standards.

So, now we have a few of the southern belles that frequent this blog all in a tizzy over this alleged deal. Shit, Colin’s a hero for taking the OD’ed girl to the hospital. She should be thanking him instead of trying to extort money from him.

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Headlines? We Don’t Need No Steenking Headlines

Time to roll the thread over. Not much happening til the draft in a month, so what do y’all want to talk about? Not much in the football world, unless you count the fact that RG III-XIII came up with his own personal logo, and Johnny Manzeill patented a couple of phrases.

  1. Obviously: “Johnny Football”
  2. Is the hugely dickish: “The House That Johnny Built”

Really? Hopefulluy he gets drafted by the Raiders, and he’ll change it to the masoleum that Johnny failed in.” Talk about painting a big giant target on your back, Johnny. No wonder 3/4 of all football fans want to watch you crater like the most recent flash in the pan, Tim Tebow.

Then again, I was kinda hoping Tim Tebow would come out of retirement to coin the phrase: “The Quarterback That God Built.”  Who said God was infallable?

Made the mistake of listening to Scott Bayless for 45 seconds this morning, and his quote was “All I know is whenever I see Johnny Football, he’s winning games. There’s no reason to doubt he won’t do that in the pros.” Skippy of course was the guy driving the Tim Tebow bandwagon. Straight into purgatory. Or the ESPN announcer’s booth. Kinda the same thing.

Perhaps Skippy forgot that Tebow (and Tim Couch, JaMarcus Russell, Vince Young, Ken Dorsey, yadda yadda yadda) all looked  like winners in college.

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Pea Shooter Finds a New Hom(i)e

The Washington Redskins further solidified their place among the elite teams in the league by signing Colt McCoy, the backup of all backups. And best friend/confidante of recently signed DeSean Jackson. Well, not really. They couldn’t be any different. McCoy was born in the wastelands of an east New Mexico border town, and went to high school in a Texas town with 715 poeple and was a Longhorn. DSJ of course is from the mean streets of LA, went to high school in Long Beach, and went to college at Cal Oakland. I’m sure they’ll hit it off magnificently. If not ever speak to each other.

Anyhow, teams like the Eagles recently used the ‘gang ties’ angle to dump their malcontented WR among other myriad problems he posed. Mainly that he was resistant to following team rules, could be percieved as a bad influence on younger players,  and never seemed to be satisfied with his current contract. Being that the Eagles could have dumped him anyway, citing issues with new head coach Chip Kelly, the Eagles decided to go one step further and call his supposed ties to the Crips gang as a reason to dump him after his best season in the pros.

Problem is, any kid coming out of any big city would fall under this tenuous connection. The lilly-white law-abiding owners (hello Bob Irsay) are aghast at any possible players sullying their clean sport with possible ties to illicit activities (except for manslaughter, gambling, rape, battery, felony DUI,  assault, domestic abuse, sexual harassment, illegal weapons hoarding and usage, and the like) so you can understand their reticence to draft certain players. I mean, unless they are really good.

So, let’s hear it for Dan Snyder (insert raaspberry here), the obviously good-hearted owner who is taking a huge chance by risking the reputation of the honored Redskin name in taking a chance on the troubled young star WR.

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Didja Hear the One About the Brain-Dead Cornerback?

Yikes. This has all been plastered all over the web-o-spheres, but really, how stupid is Chris Culliver? Here’s a guy who, on the verge of the biggest game of his young career, spouts anti-gay remarks to a Howard Stern employee on tape. Ooops. He follows that with a supremely shitty game.

The ice was thin at that point, but he did the necessary percerption-is-reality speech and vowed to spend a month hanging out at the Stud to immerse himself in the gay community and maybe figure out how to cover a tight end coming out of the backfield. Wink wink.

On his way back to respectability, he managed to blow his knee out early last training camp, and thus was lost for the season. He kept his nose clean and was on his way back to his under-the-radar status, and inheriting a starting spot at CB, what with Tarell Brown scooting across the Bay Bridge for Oaktown, and Carlos Rogers being given his outright release. However, last Friday morning, he managed to hit a bicyclist on Seventh Ave in San Hozay, and proceeded to flee the scene. In his attempted flee he clipped another car and was eventually cornered by a concerned citizen who witnessed the hit-and-run. For his concern, the citizen was then threatened to get the shit beat out of him by our (anti) hero with a pair of brass knuckles if he didn’t get out of his way. The cops arrived, and I guess Chris figured it was time to cut his losses, as you don’t bring brass knuckles to a gun fight. 

Aside the societal ramifications of football players who think they are somehow bigger than the world they live in, Culliver isn’t a good enough corner to recieve the rope that a guy like Aldon Smith got (hey Aldon! Check out MY gun collection!!). So, he’s likey on a one-way ticket to Pac-Man Jonestown. A couple years spent in purgatory (with a 3 month stint in the Santa Rita Correctional Facility), and some serious image rehab. More often than not, these guys do mend their ways, at least perceptually (which is all that matters to Goodie Goodell), but other times you end up like Art Schichter. Doin’ hard time after running a gambling ring in the early 80s, and now a ticket-selling scam where he pocketed millions to gamble with.

 

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