Let the (Pre-Draft) Games Begin!!

With Santa Clara free from the masses, and SF is letting the homeless back in, we now proceed to the first stage of the 2016 season. Wild-ass speculation. A of now we have the following free agent situation to deal with:

Unrestricted Free Agents

Anquan Boldin, WR
Alex Boone, OG
Reggie Bush, RB
Garrett Celek, TE
Phil Dawson, K
Ian Williams, DT

Restricted Free Agents

Shaun Draughn, RB
Michael Wilhoite, ILB
Tony Jerod-Eddie, DT
Ray-Ray Armstrong, OLB

Exclusive Rights Free Agents

Jordan Devey, OG
Kendall Gaskins, RB

In UFA order, I’d like to keep Boldin, mainly because he’s an instant security blanket for whoever is manning the QB spot. Sorry Dennis, not Manning. Boone has made noiuses that he wants to leave, but we’ll see about that. He had a so-so year, but that’s better than most of the rest of the dogshit line. Try, but not too hard. Bush? No. Celek? Sure. Dawson? Sure. On the cheap. We had problems, but FGs weren’t part of that.  Ian? Yes. I’m a little surprised this hasn’t happened yet.

RFAs? Draughn and J-E are solid guys. Keep ’em. ERFAs? Fuck ’em. Devey and Gaskins were bottom-of the barrel types.

Anyone give a shit? It’s either this or go directly to the draft hype-a-thon.


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Super Bore 50

The venue looked great, the weather was perfect, the turf even held up after the haftime lip-synch-a-thon. The commercials were even fairly decent. Although the puppy-baby-monkey thing was stupid beyond belief. The baby trying to shoot out of her mom to get some Doritos was clever if not odd.

All that being said, I must say this was the worst Super Bowl of them all. I vaguely remember Super Bowl V where the Colts beat Dallas 16-13 on a last second field goal, but this one was bad. Neither offense did anything all day, and the stats bear this out. The winning team had 194 total yards of offense. Lowest ever for a winning team. Both teams combined for 15 punts, and were a combined 4-29 in 3rd down conversions (Denver an astonishing 1-14, or 7%). A whopping 14% conversion rate. 7 fumbles, 2 picks, and 18 penalties for 153 yards.

Sloppy, boring, and dull. Kinda like watching the Niners play this year. These defenses are great, but Carolina had a ton of chances and wasted them. At least they moved the ball occasionally. 315 yards is nothing spectacular, but it did show some offensive consistency. However, they fumbled, missed FGs, dropped passes, and committed a shitload of stupid penalties to stop themselves at every turn. They came in ill-prepared for the defensive onslaught, and appeared to be showing up to win the game, and looked like they took Denver way too lightly.

Kudos to Denver’s book-end pass rushers Von Miller and DeMarcus Ware. They harassed Cam Newton to the point of utter frustration and pouting. Very reminiscent of how the 49ers made Dan Marino look like a chump. I’ve never liked Denver, and Manning has never been my cup of tea either, but they at least took care of things and didn’t make near the mistakes that Carolina did. Their defense took it to Carolina, and they had no answers. So Carolina’s feel-good season crumbles amid their own hubris.

This one was one for the dogs.


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Eddie D Finally Gets In . . . !

Jed York’s uncle, you may have heard of him, was finally elected to the Hall of Fame, as a ‘contributor.’ Say what you will about him and his flawed character and eventual downfall, he was a fiercely proud and determined owner who stood by his players way above and beyond most of these other guys. 5 Super Bowls, numerous Hall of Famers, and millions of fans around the league and the world, he drove the team to heights never seen before or since. Granted, it was a pre-salary cap, and mostly pre-free agency NFL, but Eddie set the standard for treating his players right, and making sure the team was prepared and ready to play.

The players to a man would run through walls for Eddie D, and to a man they still would. Nice to see it get announced right before the Super Bowl in his team’s stadium. And in lame HOF news, the Hall of Fame voters waited till the Snake died to let him in. How he isn’t in and a guy like Namath waltzes in is ridiculous. Glad to hear it, but it was about 15 years too late. Also, Anquan Boldin wins the NFL Walter Peyton award. Nice job Anquan. Class guy and a role model for players all over the league.

It was cool to see  Eddie D last year at the flag football game to close the Stick last year. He made the game winning catch thrown by Joe in the exact opposite corner where Dwight Clark.



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Kappy Konundrum

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but there’s word on the street that our once-and-future quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, is fed up with his current situation, and is looking to be traded. Funny how this recently happened way back in 2013 when Alex Smith was not affordable as our backup, and wanted to be a starter somewhere else. He of course got his wish and went on to slightly greener pastures in Kansas City. They got some crazy little women there I hear.

Anyhow, the story was broken by the New York Daily News, and the report goes on to say that Kappy wants to become a Jet. Of course there are no names associated with this rumor. Just the usual innuendo. The Jets of course are in the middle of negotiating a deal with Ryan Fitzpatrick, and are intent on signing him. The Niners of course have recently changed coaching staffs.

Odd timing to say the least, but then again, this team is never bereft of swirling innuendo. Did the Jets start this in their negotiations with Fitzpatrick to let him know there we other options? Is this from Kappy himself as a straight plea to get out of here? Is it from the Niners HQ to foment an already ambivalent-to-angry fan base? Who knows? I’d think someone of the three parties involved will speak up soon, but as of now, there’s nothing from the Jets, Niners, or Kaepernick.

Seeing as this is Super Bowl week in San Francisco, it begs the question even further. Who the fuck is leaking all this shit? Paraage gets one last dig in before he’s shit-canned after the Super Bowl? Tomsula is already on to greener pastures, so he’s out. Jed? Is he really that stupid? Christ, this organization is pissing me off with this rumor shit.

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Superb Owl Week!

Hey, I have to avoid the copyright infringement issue with using a certain phrase. Luckily Jolly Roger couldn’t trademark the phrase ‘The Big Game’ as the denizens around here know, that phrase has been in use since the turn of the last century. The NFL didn’t invent that phrase in 1967.

Anyhow, all the talk is about Cam’s pants, and Peyton’s last stand. Other than that, it’s a fairly bland pile of orgasmica around the corporate sleaze-fest in and around the Bay Area. They did media day (well, night) in San Jose, just so they can feel like they are a part of the corporate jerk-fest. Of course they had a giant replica of the Golden Gate Bridge in there, not the 280/101 interchange that sat idle for 7 years. Super Bowl City is what you’d think. Long lnes to get into makeshift buildings selling some shit. Walked around there Sunday with some friends who are Bronco fans, and security was tight, slightly onerous, and ever-present. Sign o’the times, I suppose. The City looks kinda cool with the Embarcadero buildings painted with 20-story high Lombardi trophies, and the like. They are having concerts and shit for free around the Ferry building all week, and there’s all the overpriced beer you can drink at your leasure, but I didn’t venture into the paid area down near Moscone Center. Sorry, Roger, not gunna do it.

Anyhow, there’s 6 more days of breathless questions around Manning’s impending retirement and the like. Cam Newton seems to be a magnet for criticism for being a little too demonstrative or something, but really, the NFL is stodgy enough. Taking away celebrations is the height of lunacy. I don’t see him doing shit much differently than the Discount double-check, or whatever. I mean, Aaron has made an advertising career of that celebration. Manning sells everything under the sun. No cries of oversaturation about him? Whatever. I think he goes down in a hail of pressure anyway.

Here are some pics of the fun.


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Here We Go Again

Well, the Jimmy Bag-a-donuts era was short-lived and disastrous. Next up? Chip Kelly and his brand of high-speed no-huddle offense. Yes, we finally get the pedal-to-the-metal offensive-minded coach we haven’t has since the Mariucci days, and yes, Chip draws comparisons to guys like Mad Mike Martz (he of the JT O’Fuckmeagain and Shaun [over the] Hill gang) and even the old Mouse Davis run ‘n’ gun college/pro offense of the 80s. But this is a different league now, and everybody is fast. Not sure how this plays, but Chip did reel off two 1-6 seasons before sabotaging himself amid a bunch of questionable moves to build the Eagles in his distorted image.

Which brings us to this season. As of now, the team is a mystery as the Niners are in a very friendly cap situation, but have shed talent like a lizard sheds its skin. According to Spotrac, the adjusted salary cap is $154 mill. The Niners current salaries are at $105 mill. So as of now we have close to $50 mill in cap space.  And that is without the minor hit but major cap savings of close to $10 mill the Niners would get should they jettison Colin Kaepernick before the 4/1/16 salary kick-in deadline.

Heady stuff. But then again, we have Trent Baalke, the architect of the steady talent drain for the past 4 years, at the helm of the Titani, uh Good Ship Forty Niners. Chip has promised not to stick his nose into the personnel side of things, but what of it? Do we have Baalke drafting in a void? Surely he knows that Chip is moving the team is a much different direction than Harbaugh was. Which is why it was so baffling to me to see Baalke drafting little WRs when his trend was for bigger possession types. Even LMJ and Hunter were off the usual pattern of Baalke. Harbaugh’s power run game certainly didn’t fit with these draft picks. Were they outfoxing each other?  Was Baalke drafting random guys? I don’t get it.

Will it get better with Chip and Balke? We will see. The decision to keep or lose Colin and or Gabbert will have been made when the draft rolls around, so we should have a little better idea of where Trent will draft. As if that ever made a difference.


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Get Out of Denver, Baby

Bob Seger had it right.

Shit. Denver? Man I don’t like that team. The reasons are varied and multiple, but mainly it was because I lived in Colorado for 3 years, and every other radio ad, print ad, or television ad was John Elway’s car wash, John Elway’s Launromat, John Elway’s Jeep dealership, John Elway’s Chevy dealership, or John Elway’s dildo emporium and sex shop. Beyond that, you had the Rocky Mountain news posting daily updates on John Elway’s travel plans, eating habits, and bowel movement schedule.

It was enough to make one sick. Plus, their fans are annoying as hell. Orange Crush? Please. A pass rush named after a soft drink? Laaaaame. It was also more onerous because the Rockies didn’t exist yet, and the Nuggets have always been an afterthought anyway. To make things worse, the local TV stations would often pre-empt the national football games and show the Broncos on 2 separate stations! Fuckers. Many a time the 49ers would be knocked off the national schedule so 2 different local stations could show the game! Ass hats !This forced me to hunt down a bar who would show the game. Fortunately there was a bar in town called Little Annie’s whose owner was a 49er fan, so he’d show games that were pre-empted locally.

So, needless to say, I was highly disappointed that the Broncos didn’t choke that game away yesterday. The Broncos defense held Brady in check for large parts of the game, but still nearly choked it away as Peyton Manning was ineffective and largely a non-factor. Denver’s defense gave their offense a ton of field position advantage, yet couldn’t seal the game til the botched 2 point conversion. No huge love lost for Tom Brady and Belichick, but I guess I’ll take solace in Peyton manning being thoroughly embarrassed again in the biggest game.

The Carolina game? Yikes. Carson Palmer went from a shit game against Green Bay to an epic sewer dive yesterday. Any time the Cards would do something positive to even get close to making it a game, Palmer would throw into triple coverage for a pick while standing calmly in the pocket. Blehhh. Too bad, so sad.

I think Carolina wins in a runaway,  38-13

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