Is s a bad dream? A nightmare? A huge cosmic joke? Yeah, I’ll take that one. A couple days ago, Tony Romo became the 4th highest player in the NFL by signing a 6 year, $108 million contract. Here are the (*hyuk*) details:
The deal contains $55 million in guarantees, including a $25 million signing bonus. Romo’s $1.5 million 2013 base salary and $13.5 million 2014 base salary are fully guaranteed. $15 million of his $17 million 2015 base salary is guaranteed for injury. $7.5 million becomes fully guaranteed on the third day of the 2014 league year (mid-March 2014). The remaining $7.5 million of the injury guaranteed $15 million is fully guaranteed on the third day of the 2015 league year (mid-March 2015). He has unguaranteed $8.5 million, $14 million, $19.5 million and $20.5 million base salaries in his 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019 contract years.
Uh, seriously? Romo has ‘led’ the vastly talented Cowboys to the playoffs 3 times in his 8 seasons at the helm of Good Ship Nose Candy-land. Of those trips, he’s gone 1-3. Stellar. Sure, you can’t solely blame the Cowboys travails on one guy, but he so effortlessly plants the target squarely on his ass by dating celebrities, donning them in pink Romo jersies, and choking down the stretch of so many games, and so many seasons.
In other words, he’s Mr. September. To whit:
- In 2005, Dallas started 7-3 on a playoff roll. They finished the season 2-4 and missed the playoffs.
- In 2006, huzzah! Playoff! Dallas cemented their spot in the post season by going 1-3 after their 8-4 start, thus losing homefield advantage, and eventually Tony’s first playoff game in Seattle when he muffed the snap on a chip shot field goal, then came up juuuuuuuuuuuuuust short on trying to advance his screw-up.
- 2007? 12-1 start, 1-2 finish. This time with home field advantage on their side, they fought the NY Giants tough, and had a 1st down at the Giants 25 with 0:31 left in the game, down 21-17. Money time? Uh, choke time. Ex-49er RW McQuarters picked him off to end the game.
- 2008? Despite missing 3 games, he led the Cowboys to a 7-3 record (they went 1-2 under Rob Johnson) only to crash and burn their way out of the playoffs by going 1-3. Particularly funny was the ‘must win’ game vs the Eagles to close the season. Win, and they are in. Lose, and they are again labelled chokers. Well, a 44-6 loss labelled them something else. Gutless, heartless, and vain. Basically a fantasy team.
- 2009, their best year, and Romo’s as well, saw Dallas go 11-5 and hit the playoffs on a roll, closing the season winning 3 straight. And, huzzah, a playoff win over those pesky Eagles, 34-14. Unfortunately, Romo ran into Brett Favre. He also stumbled, fumbled, and crumbled his way to a 34-3 loss.
- 2010 was as hard a fall as Romo’s had, and frankly I thought was the end of his tenure in Dallas. After going 1-5 to start the season, Romo went down with a broken collarbone. Per usual, he put up great numbers, but killed chances late in games by throwing costly interceptions.
- 2011? 7-4 to start, 1-4 to worm themselves out of the playoffs.
- 2012? 8-6 to start the season. 0-2 to once again watch the playoffs from the comfort of Valley Ranch, TX.
All the while, Jerry Jenius has built a zillion dollar boondoggle stadium, hired and fired all number of players, coaches, assistants, waterboys, gurus, consultants, and soothsayers, all for naught. That is, except for Tomy Romo. Or his inestimable GM, one Jerry Jerkoff. These guys are tied to the hip, much like the 49ers were inexorably tied to Alex Smith. The funny thing is, Alex looks to become something of a savior in KC. After both came into the league in 2005, Romo has done much less with a ton more talent and coaching than Alex Smith ever had. Shit, Smith is 1-1 in the playoffs. Romo looks to be the latest in a long line of headline grabbing, self-promoting, but eventually vacuous Dallas ‘talents’ that falls short. Hello, T.O.!!
So, yeah, extend him for 6 years. Brilliant. Solidify Dallas’ status as a flashy yet in the end gutless, heartless team full of headline-grabbing chracters keep the grist mill turning.